Xmas Trees and the Jewish Home

Question of the Week:    I am in a tricky situation. My sister and her husband are spending Chanukah with us. Her husband is not Jewish and so they usually celebrate both Chanukah and Xmas with their kids. They would like us to do the same this year. Should I have a tree and a family Xmas celebration in my home to accommodate my brother in law? I know he would do anything to accommodate us in his home, but I don't really want my kids celebrating Xmas. Am I being unfair?   Answer:   The family home is an identity factory. It is in here that experiences are shared that form the picture of who we are. And children need a clear identity. The one thing kids cannot tolerate is ambiguity. If they are given mixed signals and wishy-washiness at home then they will seek identity from the outside, like TV or their friends. If you as parents want to be the ones to impart identity to children, then you need to be clear about your own identity in your own home.   For children to have a positive Jewish identity they must know who they are, and be proud of it. You need a good reason to be different when living as a minority in a welcoming society. But to celebrate a non-Jewish holiday, especially with their own family in their own home, is confusing and unsettling. We should teach our children to respect other cultures, but that doesn't mean actively celebrating them.   You are not being unfair in insisting that your home be exclusively Jewish. The fact that your sister and brother in law would accommodate your practices is in keeping with the way they have chosen to bring up their children. For them it is not a contradiction to incorporate Jewish practices in their home. But this is not the nature of your home, and so it is wrong to expect you to change your home's atmosphere for them.   Some think that this is a closed-minded and narrow view. They believe we should embrace all cultures and religions, and expose our kids to as much variety as possible to let them choose their own identity. But the truth is, if we give our kids a taste of every culture, we are actually giving them no culture. You can only be truly open to others when you are clear about your own identity.   Give your kids a clear sense of self, and they won't feel threatened by others. When they can confidently say, "I know who I am," they can be secure enough to ask, "And who are you?"   Good Shabbos, Rabbi Moss To subscribe CLICK HERE or email rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au       Newsletter Sponsored by   SERVICES AT NEFESH ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Friday Night Candlelighting 7:32pm (not before 6:21pm) Mincha 6:15pm Shabbos Service - 6:30pm followed by Kiddush sponsored by Daniel Doctor in honour of his birthday- Mazal Tov!   Shabbos Day Class - The Spiritual Parsha 9am Morning Service 10am -12:20pm followed by Kiddush in honour of the aufruf and forthcoming wedding of Bryan Poggo and Tanya Lurie - Mazal tov!   Mincha 7:35pm   Shabbos ends 8:34pm   Sunday 8am Shachris   Mon-Fri 7am   Chassidus Shiur Mon and Thurs 8:00am - 8:45am   Latest Shema - 9:10am

Forward email This email was sent to shmuly77d@gmail.com by rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au |   Update Profile/Email Address | Instant removal with SafeUnsubscribe™ | Privacy Policy. nefesh | 54 roscoe st | bondi beach | NSW | 2026 | Australia

Bomb Dates Cost Money Too

LAST CHANCE TO PREBOOK FOR SUNDAY'S FILM NIGHT click here   Question of the Week:   I am starting to lose faith in ever finding love. After swearing I would never in my life go on another blind date again, I succumbed after a friend said, you've gotta meet this girl. It was a bomb. I am not sure whether to give up all together, or just give up on blind dates. But it is exhausting me. Any message of hope for the dated-out?   Answer:   The saintly Rabbi Yisroel of Ruzhin had an unusual custom when it came to matchmaking. He would give a sizable monetary gift to anyone who suggested a match for one of his children, even if the couple didn't hit it off and the match didn't go ahead. It is customary to pay a matchmaker when a successful match is made. But to pay a matchmaker for a mismatch was unheard of. And yet this is exactly what Rabbi Yisroel did. He explained why:   In heaven it is announced who your soulmate is before you are born. An angel looks at your soul and then calls out the name of your soulmate. But do you think the angel gets it right the first time? Not always. Often the angel suggests a name, and G-d nixes it. So the angel proposes another possible soulmate, and again G-d says no. Sometimes a long list of names is called out until the right one is reached and G-d gives His approval. Each one of those names had potential to be your soulmate. But only one is destined to be yours.   Then your soul comes down here to this world and starts its search for the one. What you don't realize is that you need to meet all those other potential soulmates before you can meet your ultimate one. That's why I pay not only a matchmaker who is successful, but even one who suggests a match that doesn't work out. Because every failed relationship brings you one step closer to your soulmate.   This gives a whole new perspective on dates that go nowhere and relationships that fizzle out. They should not leave us jaded or discouraged. The lessons we learn and the experiences we gain are necessary rungs on our ladder to happiness.   So should you go on every blind date anyone ever suggests? Should you indiscriminately meet any old person, just to tally up the necessary bomb dates and get to the real thing? Rabbi Yisroel answered that one too.   There was once a sly character in his community who was short on cash. He thought he could make a quick buck by suggesting a random match for one of Rabbi Yisroel's sons. Knowing he would be paid even if it failed, he mentioned the name of the first single girl that came to mind. Rabbi Yisroel heard his suggestion patiently and said, "Some matches seem good to angels in heaven. Others at least seem reasonable to people on earth. Yours is neither."   Don't waste your time on hit and miss dating suggestions. But if someone comes up with a reasonable idea for a match, even though we don't know if it was made in heaven, give it a try down here on earth. If it doesn't work, it is not a failure, it is a step forward. Thank the matchmaker, and thank the person you met too, for bringing your soulmate one date closer.   Good Shabbos, Rabbi Moss   To subscribe CLICK HERE or email rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au     WATCH TRAILER      SERVICES AT NEFESH ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Friday Night Candlelighting 7:26pm (not before 6:16pm) Shabbos Service - 6:30pm followed by Kiddush sponsored by Sue Sznajer in honour of the first yahrzeit of her mother Rivka Rochel bat Kasriel- Long life.   Shabbos Day Class - The Spiritual Parsha 9am Morning Service 10am -12:20pm followed by Kiddush sponsored by Simone Gerry in gratitude for the support and care received from the Nefesh community and in honour of a safe trip to the US.   Special Mazel Tov to Dov Lowinger in honour of his 9th birthday!   Mincha 7:20pm   Shabbos ends 8:27pm   Sunday 8am Shachris   Mon-Fri 7am   Chassidus Shiur Mon and Thurs 8:00am - 8:45am   Latest Shema - 9:10am

Forward email This email was sent to shmuly77d@gmail.com by rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au |   Update Profile/Email Address | Instant removal with SafeUnsubscribe™ | Privacy Policy. nefesh | 54 roscoe st | bondi beach | NSW | 2026 | Australia

ISRAEL AT WAR

Question of the Week:    I am the only Jew in my office so I face a daily barrage of questions about Israel's Operation Pillar of Defense in Gaza. I don't know who appointed me as Israel's spokesman and I am not armed with the answers. Can you help?   Answer:   At times like this, each one of us becomes an ambassador for Israel. Even if you don't agree with everything Israel does, any decent person must stand up for Israel's right to self-defense when over a million of its citizens are under rocket attack.   We can leave the military and political issues to the experts, but we should all be clear on the moral questions raised by this war. Let's look at a few of the most commonly asked questions.   Q: How can Israel justify killing civilians if their intent is to crush Hamas terrorists?   A: The death of innocents is a tragic inevitability of any war. Our hearts go out to all bereaving families caught in the middle. The sad fact is that the Palestinian people are being held hostage by Hamas. Just as it is clear that Hamas is morally culpable for the abduction and torture of Israeli hostages such as Gilad Shalit, so too are they culpable for the fate of Palestinian innocents amongst whom they hide. A civilian who is killed while being used by a terrorist as a human shield is a victim of the terrorist, not the Israeli army, who does not target innocent civilians.    Q: Isn't Israel's response a bit disproportionate? So many more Palestinians are dying than Israelis.   A: War is not mathematics. If Israel were merely taking revenge, then it would need to be proportionate. But Israel is waging a defensive war. Since when is war proportionate? In war, you don't measure your response to the enemy by what they have done to you in the past, but rather by what needs to be done to stop them attacking in the future. Israel must destroy Hamas' capability to continue shooting rockets at Israeli cities. Israel's actions are proportionate to the present and future threat, not just the damage done in the past.   Q: Doesn't Israel understand that they are just creating more terrorists? The anger and fury at Israel as a result of bombing Gaza will only make more people want to join Hamas.   A: Feelings of frustration, anger, fear and rage do not make you into a terrorist. A culture of death and an education of hate does. Israel doesn't need to do anything to create terrorists - Islamic extremism does that. But Israel must act to destroy those who threaten its people.   Q: Hamas indeed has a militant wing, but it also does a lot of good. They are responsible for social programs, educational projects and humanitarian work in Gaza. By destroying Hamas, Israel also destroys all the good they do. Isn't that demonising a group that is not all bad?   A: If a serial killer also happens to volunteer for his local hospital, has donated money to an orphanage, and looks after his ailing grandmother, he is still a serial killer, and should be treated as such. The danger he poses far outweighs the concern for any good he may do.   Q: By using violence, how is Israel any better than its terrorist enemies?   A: That is as ridiculous as saying that a woman who fights off an attacker is no better than her attacker. Israel would not touch Hamas if Hamas would stop sending rockets and suicide bombers into Israel. Israel seeks to live in peace with its neighbours. Hamas and its allies seek to destroy Israel, no matter what Israel does.   For Hamas, war is holy. For Israel, war can never be holy. War may be necessary, like when your citizens are being attacked unprovoked; war may be moral, like when innocent lives are being threatened; but even then, war is never holy. There is a world of difference between a moral war and a holy war. A moral soldier fights reluctantly, while holy warriors glory in the fight. A moral soldier is burdened by the obligation, while holy warriors delight in the pain inflicted on the enemy. A moral soldier fights when there is no other option; a holy warrior seeks violence as a way of life. A moral soldier takes measures to limit innocent casualties; a holy warrior seeks to maximise them.   A holy warrior fears times of peace, because then he has no purpose. A moral soldier dreams of a time when peace will reign. Then, the Israel Defense Force will be made joyously redundant, as "one nation will not lift a sword against another nation, and they will no longer learn to wage war".    Good Shabbos, Rabbi Moss   Dedicated to the memory of Mira Scharf, Rabbi Aharon Smadja and Yitzchak Amsalem, victims of Hamas' war against Israel   Please do a mitzvah and pray for the speedy recovery of: Shmuel ben Chaya Sarah Yehudit  Yosef Yitzchak ben Mira Rut Chana bat Mira Rut Geulah bat Mira Rut and all injured from the rocket attacks in southern Israel.   To subscribe CLICK HERE or email rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au   NEW KABBALAH SERIES Wired for Romance - Kabbalistic teachings on the role of the mind in loving relationships.    Concludes this Tuesdays Nov 20, 8.15 - 9.15pm at Nefesh Love is centered in the heart. But love is not just about feelings. The mind plays a vital but often neglected part in forming the romantic bond. This series explores how intellect impacts emotion and how we can use our brains to improve the way we love.   MEANINGFUL MOTHERHOOD - Discussion for mothers and babies with Nechama Dina Moss and Shterny Dadon Mondays 10am-11:15am at Nefesh               WATCH TRAILER      SERVICES AT NEFESH ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Friday Night Candlelighting 7:19pm (not before 6:09pm) Mincha 6:15pm Shabbos Service - 6:30pm followed by Kiddush in honour of the 8th birthday of Batya Moss - Mazel tov!   Shabbos Day Class - The Spiritual Parsha 9am Morning Service 10am -12:20pm followed by Kiddush sponsored by Stuart Shaw in honour of his birthday- Mazel Tov!   During the Kiddush we will hear an update and personal insight on the situation in southern Israel from Shlomo Ben-Haiem, a representative of Keren Kayemet Leyisrael-JNF   Mincha 7:10pm followed by Seudah Shlishis and Maariv Shabbos ends 8:19pm   Sunday 8am Shachris   Weekday Minyan Mon-Fri 7am   Chassidus Shiur Mon and Thurs 8:00am - 8:45am

Forward email This email was sent to shmuly77d@gmail.com by rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au |   Update Profile/Email Address | Instant removal with SafeUnsubscribe™ | Privacy Policy. nefesh | 54 roscoe st | bondi beach | NSW | 2026 | Australia

Can We Schedule an Argument?

Question of the Week:   I have a problem. My fiancée and I never fight. I have heard that relationships can only grow through tension, that only when we have a disagreement and then work through it can we get closer. But what can I do? We simply agree on everything. Now I'm nervous. Should we be arranging some arguments? Maybe a weekly roster with a list of topics to fight about, and then make up afterwards? Answer:   Pre-arranged fights only work if you are a professional wrestler. Not so in a marriage. To get the desired effect, the argument needs to be real. I am afraid you will have to wait for an authentic argument to be able to truly reconcile. This is based on some Talmudic logic. The Talmud teaches that one who has sinned but then asks for forgiveness comes closer to G-d than someone who never sinned. This means that a person who was wicked but left their evil ways reaches higher than a person who has always done the right thing. If so, the Talmud asks, should a righteous person intentionally sin, in order to have the opportunity to change his ways? After all, he can't reach the level of a reformed sinner if he never sins. The answer is no, he shouldn't sin. One reason is, he might enjoy it and never repent. But more than that, if he sins just to repent, his repentance will not be sincere because his sin was not sincere. If you sin just to get closer to G-d, you never rebelled properly. And if you didn't rebel, you can't truly regret. If you didn't actually go off the path you can't get back on. The same applies in our relationships with our fellow humans. Just like you can't plan to sin in order to repent, you can't plan an argument in order to make up. It isn't sincere. Just as making up has to be genuine, arguing has to be genuine too. If the rift is not real, the resolution that comes later won't be either. You have to feel that moment of despair, when you think things have fallen apart and all is lost. From that moment of darkness comes a glimmer of hope, and you rebuild. It is wonderful that you and your fiancée see eye to eye. But don't worry, times of tension will come. Two individuals sharing intimate space is recipe enough for some friction to eventually develop. And when it does, embrace it as an opportunity to learn something about your partner. If she never upsets you, she can't know who you are. If you don't know what her boundaries are, you don't know her. And you can only know those boundaries by accidently crossing them. Every sin is a chance to uncover a more profound level of connection with G-d, and every argument is an opportunity to dig deeper in your relationship with your partner. To argue is human. To make peace is divine.   Good Shabbos, Rabbi Moss   To subscribe CLICK HERE or email rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au     NEW KABBALAH SERIES Wired for Romance - Kabbalistic teachings on the role of the mind in loving relationships.  Continues Tuesdays Nov 13 and 20, 8.15 - 9.15pm at Nefesh Love is centered in the heart. But love is not just about feelings. The mind plays a vital but often neglected part in forming the romantic bond. This series explores how intellect impacts emotion and how we can use our brains to improve the way we love.   MEANINGFUL MOTHERHOOD - Discussion for mothers and babies with Nechama Dina Moss and Shterny Dadon Mondays 10am-11:15am at Nefesh           WATCH TRAILER      SERVICES AT NEFESH ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Friday Night Candlelighting 7:12pm (not before 6:04pm) Mincha 6:15pm Shabbos Service - 6:30pm followed by Kiddush to farewell Lili Koos who is returning to Hungary - we wish you well!   Shabbos Day Class - The Spiritual Parsha 9am Morning Service 10am -12:20pm followed by Kiddush   Shabbos Mevorchim Kislev farbrengen sponsored by Chazzan Isser in honour of his thirtieth birthday- Mazel Tov!   Mincha 7:05pm followed by Seudah Shlishis and Maariv Shabbos ends 8:12pm   Sunday 8am Shachris   Weekday Minyan Mon-Fri 7am Rosh Chodesh Thursday   Chassidus Shiur Mon and Thurs 8:00am - 8:45am

Forward email This email was sent to shmuly77d@gmail.com by rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au |   Update Profile/Email Address | Instant removal with SafeUnsubscribe™ | Privacy Policy. nefesh | 54 roscoe st | bondi beach | NSW | 2026 | Australia