You Can't Act to Save Your Life

Question of the Week:   My acting career seems to be at a dead end. Every time I come close to a huge role something goes wrong and I miss out. I have tried every avenue I can think of, even changing agents, but it hasn't helped. I am professional, hard-working, dedicated and I believe I have talent (this has been confirmed to me by others too). But I am starting to think I simply wasn't meant to be an actor. Should I just come to terms with being a failure?   Answer:   My friend, there is only one thing you need to come to terms with. You are not an actor. You may be good at acting, but that is not who you are, it is what you do. Stop identifying yourself by your career. You need to discover an identity that is beyond your work. That way, success and failure in your career will not spell success or failure in your life.   In our world of inverted values, a man is called successful because he has made a lot of money. He may have abandoned his third wife, be estranged from his children, have no friends and his dog ran away from him. But he's done well at work, and people say, "I wish I had his luck."   We achieve true success when we succeed in our relationships. If you are a caring friend in times of need, if you treat your parents well, if you are a supportive and understanding spouse, a devoted and caring parent, then you are a success. Those who contribute to the community, not just money but time and effort, those who have developed happy relationships with G-d and man, they are real success stories.   As long as we identify ourselves with our profession - I am an actor, a sales person, an IT technician - then we are pinning our success as a person on our career success. But it's not true. We are not defined by our job. What we do to make a living is different to what we do to make a life. We work to make a living. But to make a life we must love, connect, serve a purpose and find meaning.   This is the gift of Shabbos. One day a week we step out of our workday roles and return to our true self. We are not staff members but rather members of a community; we are not employers or employees but rather brothers and sisters, children, parents and friends. We are not working for a boss to do our job, but rather working for The Boss to fulfill our mission.   You may be great at doing your work. Or maybe not. But it's more important to be good at being human. When it comes to being human, even a failed businessman can be the greatest success story, and a struggling actor can be a star.   Good Shabbos, Rabbi Moss     To subscribe email rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au         CLASSES ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   KABBALAH OF THE TALMUD   Life changing lessons from mystical interpretations of Talmudic allegories     AT NEFESH 5 Roscoe St Bondi Beach Wednesdays August 31, September 7 8:15 - 9:15pm with Rabbi Chaiton For Men & Women    Lunch in the City with Rabbi Gourarie and Rabbi Chaiton Level 10, 2 Bligh Street , Sydney 12.30pm Thursdays Lunch served, all welcome    NEFESH SERVICES - 54 Roscoe St Bondi Beach  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~          Friday Candlelighting 5:14pm   5:25pm Mincha followed by shiur    6:30pm - 7:15pm Shabbos Service followed by Kiddush   Shabbos day 9am Class on Weekly Parsha 10am -12:15pm Morning Service with kids' program followed by Kiddush sponsored by Anna & David Reiner in honour of their return from Israel. Mincha 5:10pm followed by Seudah Shlishis and Maariv Shabbos ends 6:13pm    Sunday 8am Shachris No Talmud Class for next two months   Monday and Thursday Shachris 7am   Rosh Chodesh Elul Tuesday August 30 Shachris 7am

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When Death Will Be No More

Question of the Week:    Rabbi, I just wanted to thank you again for your support to our family after the loss of my grandmother. You helped ease the pain of what was a very sad period. One question I had is about the traditional words of consolation said to mourners: "May G-d comfort you together with the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem." What exactly is the consolation in those words? How does comparing the loss of a loved one to the destruction of Jerusalem by the Romans two thousand years ago make me feel any better?   Answer:    There are several parallels between the fall of Jerusalem and the passing of a soul. By contemplating these similarities, the mourners can find a profound message of hope in the midst of sorrow.   Although the destruction of Jerusalem primarily affected those who actually lived there, nevertheless it was a national tragedy. All Jews, including those who lived far from Jerusalem, were deeply pained at the loss of their sanctuary. The mourning stretched far beyond the city limits of Jerusalem. And this gave strength and courage to the Jerusalemites, knowing that the entire Jewish people was together with them, feeling their pain.   So too, although it is the family that is mourning for their loss, the entire community shares in their sorrow at the passing of one of our own. This is comfort in knowing that your sorrow is being shared by your people. You're not alone.    It's been almost two thousand years since the destruction, and we still mourn for the loss of Jerusalem. But the Jewish people has never lost hope that the Temple in Jerusalem will one day be rebuilt. We cry for the loss, but we remain hopeful that very soon what we have lost will be returned to us.   In a similar way, we mourn the loss of our loved ones, but we have faith that we will one day be reunited with them. Our prophets have promised that the dead will come back to life when the Messiah comes, and we will all meet again. This is comfort in knowing that the separation, as painful as it is, is only temporary. It isn't forever.    But it goes even deeper. While the Romans were able to destroy the buildings of Jerusalem, they could never destroy its spirit and inner holiness. No enemy can destroy the soul of Jerusalem, and even today it remains the Holy City.   So too, death can only take away the body, the physical persona. But the soul lives on. Even after their passing, our loved ones are with us in spirit. They give us strength when we face challenges, and they smile with us when we celebrate. While we can no longer see them, we can sense their presence. This is comfort in knowing that we are never really apart. They're still with us.    None of this denies the pain and sorrow of death. But it may take the edge off that pain to know that, like Jerusalem, the soul has eternal powers that even death can't conquer.   May we soon see the rebuilding of the Temple in Jerusalem, together with all those holy souls on high, reunited at last.   Good Shabbos, Rabbi Moss       To subscribe email rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au       Dedicated to the memory of Jonathan Rev, a beloved friend to many, tragically taken from us this week       NEW CITY SHIUR ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   with Rabbi Gourarie and Rabbi Chaiton   Level 10, 2 Bligh Street , Sydney   12.30pm Thursdays   Lunch served, all welcome    NEFESH SHUL RECONFIGURED  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   Come along this Shabbos to see the new configuration of our shul. You may be surprised...  NEFESH SERVICES - 54 Roscoe St Bondi Beach  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~          Friday Candlelighting 5:09pm   5:20pm Mincha followed by shiur    6:30pm - 7:15pm Shabbos Service followed by Kiddush   Shabbos day 9am Class on Weekly Parsha 10am -12:15pm Morning Service with kids' program followed by Kiddush sponsored by David Cappe who is together with his brother commemorating yarzeit for their late father Peter Cappe, Pinchas ben Shimon- long life. Mincha 5:05pm followed by Seudah Shlishis and Maariv Shabbos ends 6:08pm    Sunday 8am Shachris No Talmud Class for next two months   Monday and Thursday No minyan this week, resumes Monday August 29

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Do We Believe in Hell?

Question of the Week:   Do Jews believe in Hell? I am not planning any trips or anything, but was wondering because I have heard mixed reports about this.....   Answer:    We do believe in a type of hell. But not the one found in cartoons and joke books. Hell is not a punishment. It is in fact a great kindness that we are sent to hell.   The prophets and mystics of Judaism described a spiritual place called Gehennom. This is usually translated as Hell, but a better translation would be the Supernal Washing Machine. Because that's exactly how it works. Our soul is cleansed in Gehennom in the same way as our clothes are cleansed in a washing machine.   We don't put our socks in the washing machine to punish them. We put them through what seems like a rough and painful procedure, only to make them clean and wearable again. The intense heat of the water loosens the dirt, and the force of being swirled around shakes it off completely. Far from hurting your socks, you are doing them a favour by putting them through this process.   But put yourself in your socks' shoes. If you would be thrown into boiling hot water and flung around for half an hour, you too would start to feel that someone doesn't like you. If only the socks would know that this is all for their good. Only after going through a washing cycle can the socks be worn again.   So too with the soul. Every act we do in our lifetime leaves an imprint on our soul. The good we do brightens and elevates our soul. And every wrongdoing leaves a stain that needs to be cleansed. If at the end of our life we leave this world without fixing the wrongs we have done, our soul is unable to reach its place of rest on high. We must go through a cycle of deep cleansing, our soul is flung around at intense spiritual heat, to rid it of any dirty residue it may have gathered and prepare it for entry into heaven.   This is no punishment. It may be painful, but it is for our good. Our soul can only shine once the stains have been fully removed.   Of course this whole process can be avoided. If we truly regret the wrong we have done, make amends with the people whom we have hurt, we can leave this world with clean socks.   That's why our sages said, "Repent one day before you die." And what should you do if you don't know which day that will be? Repent today.   Good Shabbos, Rabbi Moss    To subscribe email rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au     NOTE: VENUE CHANGE Meaningful Motherhood- A discussion group for mothers and babies with Nechama Dina Moss & Shternie Dadon Monday 10:00 - 11:00am at 128 Wellington St Bondi this Monday only   ABC's of LOVE Tuesday Aug 16 8:15pm at Nefesh ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   NEFESH SERVICES - 54 Roscoe St Bondi Beach  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~          Friday Candlelighting 5:04pm   5:15pm Mincha followed by shiur    6:30pm - 7:15pm Shabbos Service followed by Kiddush in honour of the upcoming marriage of Ronan Lutman to Serakh Abrahams- Mazal Tov!   Shabbos day 9am Class on Weekly Parsha 10am -12:15pm Morning Service with kids' program followed by Kiddush celebrating the Aufruf of Ronan Lutman- Mazel Tov! Mincha 5:00pm followed by Seudah Shlishis and Maariv Shabbos ends 6:03pm    Sunday 8am Shachris followed by breakfast    Monday and Thursday 7am Shachris

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Still Haven't Clicked?

Question of the Week:   My girlfriend of two years isn't sure she wants to get married because she thinks something is missing. She can't define it, but just says she feels "it" hasn't clicked. I felt a click a long time ago and would very much like to marry and spend my life with her. She knows she loves me but has doubts because she isn't feeling "it". We are just going around in circles and it is driving me crazy. What do you think I can do?   Answer:    This clicking thing causes a lot of problems. Some people are quick clickers. Others take more time. It sounds like your click was too quick.   It often happens that one party develops feelings faster than the other. But it can complicate things. It seems that when you clicked on, she clicked off. As soon as she knew that she has you, that you are in, that your mind is made up, her heart got lazy. She knew she didn't have to work hard for you any more, she no longer needed to put in any effort, and so her feelings stalled. And she is still stuck there, unclicked and unable to develop her emotions for you.   There is only one solution. She needs to feel that she may lose you. She needs to feel that she must win you over again, that you are not a done deal. You have to give her the chance to feel that she needs you in her life, and that she needs to win you back.   The best way to achieve this is to take a break from each other. And you have to initiate it. Tell her that you respect her feelings of doubt, but you can't just keep dangling around. It is not good for either of you, nor for the relationship. Suggest that by not seeing each other for a while you will both have the space to clarify your feelings and decide whether to take the next step together, or to move apart.   This should not be presented as a false threat, but rather as an honest and mature approach to solve the stalemate you have reached. It will be hard for you to say it, but say it you must. She needs to hear that you won't hang around forever. And let me tell you, if she really is the one for you, just hearing that you want a break may be all it takes to get her heart clicking.   Good Shabbos, Rabbi Moss  To subscribe email rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au     TISHA B'AV AT NEFESH ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   Monday August 8, Erev Tishah B'Av   Fast begins: 5:20pm   Evening Service and Lamentations 6pm    followed by a fascinating and thought-provoking video lecture:   Who Carries Ultimate Responsibility for the Holocaust?   with world renowned speaker Rabbi Yosef Yitzchok Jacobson      Tuesday August 9, Tishah B'Av   7am Shachris and Kinnos with explanations   Mincha 5pm followed by Maariv   Fast ends: 5:46pm ABC's of LOVE Tuesday Aug 16 8:15pm at Nefesh ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   NEFESH SERVICES - 54 Roscoe St Bondi Beach  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    Friday Candlelighting 5:00pm   5:10pm Mincha followed by shiur    6:30pm - 7:15pm Shabbos Service   Shabbos day 9am Class on Weekly Parsha 10am -12:15pm Morning Service with kid's program followed by Kiddush sponsored by a loving well-wisher in honour of our dear friend and much loved classmate, Jono Rev. Wishing him a full and speedy recovery Mincha 4:55pm followed by Seudah Shlishis and Maariv Shabbos ends 5:57pm    Sunday 8am Shachris followed by breakfast    Monday and Thursday 7am Shachris

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You're No Angel

Question of the Week:   My religious observance has started to become neurotic. I am forever worried if I am doing things 100% right. Did I say the correct blessing? Did I wash my hands correctly before the meal? Did I accidently break Shabbos? I am scared I am becoming compulsive. On the other hand, I do want to take Jewish law seriously. Can I be fully observant and not go mad? Answer: Being careful about mitzvos is a very good thing. When it comes to fulfilling the divine will, every detail matters. But there is a limit. I learnt this when I was studying to be a rabbi. I had a powerful experience that forever changed my view of G-d and His laws. I was studying in Israel in a rabbinical school with several hundred other students. One morning, just after prayers, one of my friends came over to me with a concerned look on his face. "I think your Tefillin may not be kosher," he told me. (Tefillin are phylacteries. I don't know what phylacteries are.) I asked him what he meant, and he pointed out to me that my head Tefillin didn't look perfectly square. It seemed that one of the corners was not an exact right angle. This was serious. The hand-made leather boxes of the Tefillin are supposed to be square. If they are not square, then they are not Tefillin. They aren't even phylacteries. If my friend was right, if my Tefillin were slightly off, then I hadn't been wearing kosher Tefillin for years. I had been putting on unsquare unkosher Tefillin every day, which is as good as not putting Tefillin on at all.   I knew what I needed to do. I needed my head Tefillin examined. I rushed straight away to an expert in Jewish law. He was a senior rabbi who was famous for his decisive and clear judgments in Jewish law.  I brought him my Tefillin and asked if he could advise me. I showed him the black leather box, pointing out the imperfect corner, and fearfully awaited his verdict. The rabbi inspected the Tefillin, looked at me with his kind and wise eyes and smiled. He responded with one line, a quote from the Talmud: "The Torah wasn't given to angels." I immediately understood what he meant. My Tefillin were just fine. When the Torah says to make your Tefillin square, it means you should make them as square as human hands are capable of doing. We are not angels who can make perfect angles. We are humans who can only do our best. And that is exactly what G-d requires from us. If G-d wanted perfection, He would not have created us fallible humans. So obviously that's not what He wants. He wants us humans, with all our imperfections, to make every effort within our means to fulfil our divine purpose.   That means our squares won't be absolutely perfect squares, and our angles won't be exactly right. It means we all make mistakes and get it wrong sometimes. But that's alright. We are not angels. We are not expected to be. To do our utmost, and yet remain imperfect, that is perfectly human. Good Shabbos, Rabbi Moss      To subscribe email rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au NEW CLASSES ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   Meaningful Motherhood - A discussion group for mothers and babies with Nechama Dina Moss & Shternie Dadon Mondays 10:00 - 11:00am at Nefesh S.T.E.P. Module 7 The Jewish Calendar with Rabbi Chaiton Mondays 8:15 - 9:15pm 25 July - 19 September At 45 Bellevue Road ABC's of Love - An advanced search for soulmates with Rabbi Moss Tuesday 8:15 - 9:30pm 16 August at Nefesh     Hebrew Reading Hour - Learn to read Hebrew in 7 weeks with Uncle Velvel *Bookings Essential office@bina.com.au Wednesdays 7:45 - 8:45pm 27 July - 14 September at 17 Anglesea Street       Hebrew Reading Fluency - Improve your confidence, fluency and understanding with Rabbi Spielman *Bookings Essential office@bina.com.au 7:30 - 8:15pm Wednesdays 27 July - 14 September at 45 Bellevue Road      Kabbalah of the Talmud - Life changing lessons from mystical interpretations of Talmudic Allegories with Rabbi Chaiton Wednesdays 8:15 - 9:15pm 10 Aug -7 September at 45 Bellevue Road      Health Brain Healthy Heart - Making your intellect and emotion work for you and your relationships with Rabbi Gourarie Wednesdays 8:15 - 9:15pm 17 August - 31 August at the Jewish House  The Makings of a Mensch - Lessons in good living from the wise with Rabbi Moss Thursdays 1:00 - 2:00pm, lunch included, ABL, Level 24, Chifley Towers, Sydney CBD  and much more at www.bina.com.au NEFESH SERVICES - 54 Roscoe St Bondi Beach  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    Friday Candlelighting 4:54pm   5:05pm Mincha followed by shiur    6:30pm - 7:15pm Shabbos Service followed by Kiddush   Shabbos day 9am Class on Weekly Parsha 10am -12:15pm Morning Service with kids' program followed by Kiddush sponsored by Reverend & Mrs Amzalak in honour of the complete and remarkable recovery of their grandson Mendy. Mincha 4:50pm followed by Seudah Shlishis and Maariv Shabbos ends 5:53pm    Sunday 8am Shachris followed by breakfast    Monday Rosh Chodesh Av 7am Shachris followed by Chassidus   Thursday 7am Shachris followed by Chassidus

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Are You More Than a Fashion Statement?

Question of the Week:   Hoping you can help with a translation. I recently bought a new suit, and my aunt said to me something like, "Tetchadesh!" I asked her what it means and she said it is Hebrew and you say it when someone gets new clothing. So I asked her again what it means and she sort of said something like, "wear in good health," but she really didn't know exactly what it means. So what does it mean?   Answer: You may be surprised at the true meaning of this blessing for new clothes. It actually translates: "May you wear it out and need a new one." This is not a Yiddish curse disguised as a blessing (like the one that goes, "May you make a lot of money and be the only one in your family with it.") This is a real blessing. You should outlive your clothing. You should use your material possessions well and be able to replace them. Your suit will be worn out, but you will keep on trucking, and buy a new one. There could be a deeper blessing here too. As exciting as a new suit is, it won't last forever. The clothes we wear are no more than an external façade, and the way you look today will not be the way you look in a few years from now. Fashions come and go. Make sure you don't go out with the latest fashion. Don't define yourself by your appearance. There is something beyond your exterior look, there is your true self. When your clothes wear out, will there be anything left? Do you have anything more to say with your life than a fashion statement? Your aunt blessed you that the real you should remain true to itself. Tetchadesh! Good Shabbos, Rabbi Moss     To subscribe email rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au NEW CLASSES ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   Meaningful Motherhood - A discussion group for mothers and babies with Nechama Dina Moss & Shternie Dadon Mondays 10:00 - 11:00am at Nefesh S.T.E.P. Module 7 The Jewish Calendar with Rabbi Chaiton Mondays 8:15 - 9:15pm 25 July - 19 September At 45 Bellevue Road ABC's of Love - An advanced search for soulmates with Rabbi Moss Tuesday 8:15 - 9:30pm 16 August at Nefesh     Hebrew Reading Hour - Learn to read Hebrew in 7 weeks with Uncle Velvel *Bookings Essential office@bina.com.au Wednesdays 7:45 - 8:45pm 27 July - 14 September at 17 Anglesea Street       Hebrew Reading Fluency - Improve your confidence, fluency and understanding with Rabbi Spielman *Bookings Essential office@bina.com.au 7:30 - 8:15pm Wednesdays 27 July - 14 September at 45 Bellevue Road      Kabbalah of the Talmud - Life changing lessons from mystical interpretations of Talmudic Allegories with Rabbi Chaiton Wednesdays 8:15 - 9:15pm 10 Aug -7 September at 45 Bellevue Road      Health Brain Healthy Heart - Making your intellect and emotion work for you and your relationships with Rabbi Gourarie Wednesdays 8:15 - 9:15pm 17 August - 31 August at the Jewish House  The Makings of a Mensch - Lessons in good living from the wise with Rabbi Moss Thursdays 1:00 - 2:00pm, lunch included, ABL, Level 24, Chifley Towers, Sydney CBD  and much more at www.bina.com.au NEFESH SERVICES - 54 Roscoe St Bondi Beach  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    Friday Candlelighting 4:50pm   5:00pm Mincha followed by shiur    6:30pm - 7:15pm Shabbos Service followed by Kiddush sponsored by Assia Kichkin in honour of Gabi's birthday - mazel tov!   Shabbos day 9am Class on Weekly Parsha 10am -12:15pm Morning Service with kid's programfollowed by Kiddush sponsored in honour of Paul 'Pauly' Schaffer's Bar Mitzvah Anniversary by his Nefesh friends - mazel tov!    Mincha 4:45pm followed by Seudah Shlishis and Maariv   Shabbos ends 5:48pm    Sunday 8am Shachris followed by breakfast in honour of the end of the Shiva of Sassoon Hai ben Mazal z"l   Monday and Thursday 7am Shachris followed by Chassidus

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