How Does Traditional Dating Work?

Teen club this Friday night

Question of the Week:   I have a question about Shidduch dating. How is it possible that within the space of a few weeks and only a few dates a couple can get engaged? In modern secular dating couples may live together for a year or two before deciding to marry, and yet in traditional Jewish dating they never even live together and get married within months of meeting! From personal experience and anecdotal evidence, it seems to work. But how?    Answer:    Boy meets girl at a party. They like each other. He makes her laugh. She makes him feel good about himself. They hit it off. As the guy is about to get her a drink, she says, "Can I just ask you a question? Are you interested in marriage, or just something casual. Because I am looking to settle down and have children in the near future." After an uncomfortable silence, the guy says, "I was just going to ask if you want diet Coke or regular..." In the world of secular dating, there is no way you can bring up such heavy topics the first time you meet. In fact it may be six months or more into a relationship when you can start to even mention marriage and family and future. But by then you are emotionally entangled. If his priorities don't match hers, but they are in love, they are in trouble. He may not want to settle down for another five years, or not have children altogether. She will then be faced with an excruciating choice: give up her dreams, or give up her love. And she will very likely choose love, with sometimes tragic results. On the other hand, he knows nothing about her and her background. For all he knows, she is an axe-murderer on parole. That may also lead to problems later on. The traditional Jewish dating system helps avoid these issues. Before you even meet a prospective partner, you find out about them. What are their values and beliefs? What do they want to do with their life? How were they shaped by their family and upbringing? And most importantly, you only date for keeps. We will either get married or go our separate ways. No casual relationships. If all that sounds good and both parties are interested, the actual dating is to see if you click, if you can communicate, if you grow on each other.  The big questions have already been answered. You know you match on paper, so let's see if you match in real life. That doesn't take too long to tell. In secular dating the heart leads, and that can be very messy. In Shidduch dating the mind leads the heart. First it has to make sense, then it has to feel right. Because when we have feelings for someone, our emotions cloud our judgment, and can make us overlook problems. That is great in marriage, but a disaster in dating. The Shidduch system is not fool proof. But when followed correctly, it can save a lot of time and a lot of heartache. Because love is blind, you need to enter a relationship with eyes wide open.   Good Shabbos, Rabbi Moss   To subscribe CLICK HERE or email rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au    Here is a summary of what we have done this week:     1. Footings removed    2. Land prepared for bulk excavation  3. Updated engineering plans completed   4. All machinery offsite and site awaiting auger for pier drilling starting Monday (please G-d) SHABBOS SERVICES & COMMUNITY INFO ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ALL SERVICES AT NEFESH POP-UP 1 FRANCIS ST BONDI BEACH (OFF CAMPBELL PDE, BEHIND NOAH'S BACKPACKERS)   SHABBOS SERVICES Friday, 24 November 2017 | 6 Kislev 5778 Candle Lighting............. 7:27pm ................................... (Not before 6:20pm) Mincha......................... 6:15pm Shabbos Service........... 6:30-7:15pm    Kids Program................ 6:30pm Teen Boys Davening.......6:30pm   Followed by Kiddush sponsored by Nadine Saacks in honour of her father Clifford Sasson's birthday- Mazal Tov! L'Chaim sponsored by Nefesh' s Julie in honour of her birthday this weekend- Mazal Tov!   Shabbos Day, 25 November 2017 | 7 Kislev In depth Parsha Class..... 9:00am Shabbos Service and Bar Mitzvah of Maxime Tartour   10:00am-12:20pm Kids Program ...............10:45am Kiddush in honour of the Barmitzvah of Maxime Tartour- Mazal Tov!   Mincha followed by Seudah Shlishis ... 7:25pm Shiur with Rabbi Moss...................... 8:05pm Shabbos ends and Maariv................. 8:28pm Followed by Havdalah    WEEKDAY SERVICES Sunday.................8:00am Monday-Friday.......7:00am   Latest Shema this week.... 9:08am   MAZAL TOV TO Frederic Tartour, Dana Levy & Arnaud Tartour and their extended families on the occasion of Maxime's Barmitzvah.   HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO Emma & David Stiles .... 8 Kislev/ Sunday 26 November Michael & Sophie Stern ...8 Kislev/ Sunday 26 November Sue & John Sznajer..... 10 Kislev/ Tuesday 28 November Gena & Tony Been ..... 14 Kislev/ Saturday 2 December   HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO Summer Lily Hasofer . 8 Kislev/ Sunday 26 November Sarah Meguideche .... 8 Kislev/ Sunday 26 November Eric Melman ............ 9 Kislev/ Monday 27 November   LONG LIFE TO Brian Schwartz for his late father Kurt Schwartz Aharon ben Avraham 7 Kislev/ Saturday 25 November Sue Sznajer for her late mother Irene Wiesner Rivka Rachel bat Kasriel 9 Kislev/ Monday 27 November Jackie Regos for her late mother Elizabeth Vertes Malka Bat Sarah 11 Kislev/ Wednesday 29 November   To make a donation for a birthday, an Aliyah, a Yahrzeit or anything else,  please click here.  Kiddush options: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Friday night: Soup $75 | Basic $120 | Deluxe $200 Shabbos Day: Basic $350 Lunch $750-$1200    Dates available: Fri night 1 Dec, Sat 2 Dec Fri night 8, Sat 9 Dec   To arrange, just email office@nefesh.com.au

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