Is Your Love Burnt Out?

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WARM UP WITH NEFESH - HOT SOUP AND WHISKY KIDDUSH TONIGHT AFTER 6PM SERVICE Question of the Week    Do a husband and wife need to be together 24/7? Is it ok to have a life outside of marriage? I sometimes feel guilty if I spend time alone or with friends, as if I should always include my spouse in everything I do. But then sometimes I feel smothered and need some space. That also makes me feel guilty. I am happily married but not sure what's right here. Any help you can offer?   Answer:   Love is like a fire. It can generate a lot of light and a lot of warmth. But to keep any flame alive, it needs to be fed. If you don't keep throwing logs on the fire, it will fizzle out and there will be nothing left.   The logs that fuel love are time spent together, shared experiences, and emotional bonding. Without this nourishment, even the strongest love can dissipate. If we become too distracted with other things, if we are too busy for each other, the love goes stale and we soon drift apart. Like a fire unfed, a love unattended eventually burns out.   But logs are not all a fire needs. A fire also needs air. All the wood in the world will not be enough to maintain a fire if the fire can't breathe. And the same goes for love. To be able to love, we need space for ourselves, we need some oxygen. Without it, we lose our individuality, we have nothing to bring to the relationship, and we become boring.   Allowing each other to explore interests, maintain friendships and have quiet time outside of marriage is not a threat to the relationship. On the contrary, it strengthens it, because a relationship means connecting to someone else, and to be someone else you need to have a life. For someone to love you, there has to be a you, independent of your partner.   Of course this has to be within reason. The fire needs air, but we don't want to blow out the flame by creating too much space. Most of the time we should want to be together with the one we love. And relationships or activities that our partner is uncomfortable with should be avoided. Our marriage always comes first. But if you truly love someone, you have to let them exist outside of you, and you need to nurture your own existence too.   Make it clear to your spouse that you are not running away, and The Talmud teaches, "If husband and wife are worthy, the divine presence rests between them." This means that for G-d to be there, you need some space between you for Him to rest.   Keep on fueling your flame, but give it some air to breathe. And don't feel guilty about being your own person. That's who your spouse fell in love with in the first place. Good Shabbos, Rabbi Moss To subscribe CLICK HERE or email rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO NEEDS SUPPORT? Jewish Bereaved Parents is an independent support group for Jewish parents who have suffered the devastating loss of a child of any age. We run monthly meetings, coffee nights, guest speakers and one-on-one chats in private and casual settings. After successfully launching in Melbourne, JBP is looking to reach out to parents in Sydney. If you or anyone you know could benefit from this support, or you want more info please contact Cynthia Pollak JBPsupport@optusnet.com.au and look at our website www.jbp.org.au  SERVICES TIMES AND COMMUNITY INFO ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Friday, 15 July 2016 | 10 Tammuz 5776 Candle Lighting.............................................. 4:46 pm   Mincha...........................................................4:55 pm Shiur on weekly parsha....................................5:15 pm Friday Evening Service.............................6:00-6:50 pm Kids program..................................................6:00 pm Kiddush sponsored by Tom Moss, Ron Moss and Kathy Penn in honour of the Yortzheit of their mother Magda Moss - Long Life. Shabbos, 16 July, 2016 |11 Tammuz 5776 Chassidus Class...............................................9:00 am Shabbos Morning Service................. 10:00 am-12:15 pm Children's program....................................... 11:00am Kiddush sponsored by Gerard Solden and Helene Godbert in honour of their upcoming wedding - Mazal Tov! Mincha...........................................................   4:40 pm Pirkei Avos ................................................... Chapter 5 Seudah Shlishis Gematria and Story by Rev Amzalak............ 5:00 pm Shiur:........................................................5:20 pm Shabbos ends and Maariv............................. 5:45 pm Followed by Havdalah.   WEEKDAY SHACHARIS SERVICES Sunday ................................................................ 8:00 am Mon- Fri.............................................................. 7:00 am Latest Shema this week..................................... 9:27 am   WEEKDAY CLASSES Finding Faith - textual chassidus..Monday 8:00-8:45am MAZAL TOV TO Michelle Brenner on the marriage of her daughter, Golda to Shimon last week.   HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO Adam Pisk........................................ 10 Tammuz/ 16 July Esti Regos........................................ 11 Tammuz/ 17 July Ethan Klein...................................... 13 Tammuz/ 19 July Greg Schreeuwer............................ 15 Tammuz/ 21 July   HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO Brian & Arlene Schwartz................. 10 Tammuz/ 16 July Eric & Carol Melman....................... 13 Tammuz/ 19 July   LONG LIFE TO Ron Moss, Tom Moss and Kathy Penn for their late mother Bluma Miriam bas Binyomin Zev 9 Tammuz/ 15 July Michael Franks for his late mother Rose Franks 10 Tammuz/ 16 July Vivien Marnock for her late mother Maryla Glass, Miriam bat Yitzchak 10 Tammuz/ 16 July Robert Dabscheck for his late father Ronald Samuel Dabscheck, Shmuel Hanan Ben Yisroel 11 Tammuz / 17 July Tom Meyer for his late step-mother Eva Meyer, Chava bat Avraham 11 Tammuz/17 July Sam Sharp for his late father Monty Sharp, Monish ben Zelik Ha'Cohen12 Tammuz/ 18 July Jacqueline Eliovson for her late father Victor Behrman, Avigdor ben Dov Getzel 14 Tammuz / 20 July Moshe Moses and Adee Moses  for their late father Sasoon Moses, Sason Hai ben Mazal 14 Tammuz/ 20 July Erna Frankfurter and Ruth Cromer for their late husband and father Harold Frankfurter, Yehoshua Leib ben Shlomo Meir 16 Tammuz/ 21 July

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