Thursday, August 26, 2010

Heads or Tails?

Question of the Week:

 

I read somewhere that there is a custom to eat the head of a fish on the night of Rosh Hashana, to symbolise that in the coming year "we should be the head and not the tail." What does this actually mean? I can't make head or tails of it... (sorry...)

Answer:

We face today a crisis of leadership. In almost every area of life - familial, communal, global and personal - there is a gaping void at the top. Rather than leading with vision and purpose, today's leaders are often no more than followers.

Governments and communal leaders aren't building policies based on deeply held values and time tested truths, but rather shape their platforms by following popular opinion and adopting whatever pet issues are in fashion on the day.

Many parents are not giving their kids clear direction and guidance, but rather take their cues from the children themselves and cave in to their every desire.
 

Individuals are often not living lives directed by core beliefs and lofty ideals, but rather follow their lower instincts and then develop convoluted justifications for living a life of self-indulgence.

This is why we are so confused today. What should be the head is nothing more than a tail. Instead of ideals shaping reality, it's the other way round - whatever my reality is, I will shape my ideals to fit it.

The reason for this crisis in the modern world is clear. We have forgotten G-d. We have lost our Head, our source of absolute truth. Once ultimate authority is weakened, all authority is weakened.

But we can turn this around. We can reconnect to our Head, the true Higher Authority. Only then can we have heads that are not tails.

Parents ought to have a clear picture of what they want their family to look like, based on eternal values that are as true today as they were for our grandparents. And then with love and sensitivity, along with firmness and discipline, parents must guide their children to live up to that standard.

Leaders need to have a moral vision that is immune from the shortsighted influence of mob thinking, and with pragmatism and resolve inspire their constituents to share that vision.

As individuals we must espouse ideals that transcend our own selfishness, a higher purpose that comes from a place beyond our own ego, so we can control our lower urges and live a life of meaning and soulful achievement.

So as a new year dawns, we pray that we should be the head and not the tail. We need it for our world, our families, and ourselves.

Good Shabbos,

Rabbi Moss

 

To subscribe email rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au

 
 
Rosh Hashana MindSpinners ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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HIGH HOLYDAYS WITH NEFESH almost full ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
We are fortunate to be able to use Hakoah once again for our High Holyday services. Seats are going fast so please get your booking forms in soon. 
 
EXISTING MEMBERS please return your forms to the office to renew your membership
 
CASUAL SEATS or NEW MEMBERS, please email Jackie at office@nefesh.com.au to get booking forms.
 
 
Bina Classes - www.bina.com.au  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 

Morals in the Marketplace  - Lunch in the City

with Rabbi Moss 

Lst in the series exploring sticky situations in the business world. A new dilemma each week. This Thursday September 2, 1:00pm - 2:00pm at Arnold Bloch Leibler, Level 24, Chifley Tower, Sydney CBD, lunch included, all welcome

 

Meaningful Motherhood

Discussion for mums and babies with Nechama Dina Moss and Shterny Dadon

Mondays 10am - 11am At Nefesh

 

 

and much more at www.bina.com.au

 

NEFESH SERVICES - 54 Roscoe St Bondi Beach

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Friday

Mincha 5:25pm followed by shiur in Likkutei Torah
6:30pm - 7:15pm Shabbos Service followed by Kiddush sponsored by Friends of Nefesh

Double Simcha Sholom Zochor for baby boys Ariel at Eli and Jodie's, 3a Bundarra Rd (opposite number 24), tonight Friday night 9pm onwards  
 

Shabbos day

9am Class on Weekly Parsha
10am -12:30pm Morning Service with kids program followed by Kiddush sponsored by Leyat Mill as a farewell to Nefesh before her trip to Israel

Mincha 5:10pm folllowed by Sholosh Seudos and Maariv

Sunday 8am Shachris followed by beginners Talmud

Monday August 30

7am Shachris followed by double bris for babies Ariel
 

Thursday

7am Shachris

 

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nefesh office | 45 bellevue rd | bellevue hill | NSW | 2023 | Australia

Thursday, August 19, 2010

How to Stop a Crying Baby

Question of the Week:

 

I feel so hard done by. I hate feeling like this when I know I have many blessings to be grateful for, like a great family and wonderful children.  But I find that no matter how hard I work, how hard I try, others have it so much easier than me - they get left inheritances, win prizes, travel the world and I just slog and slave to live a decent life, and still I struggle. I harbour such negativity it is unhealthy. How can I start feeling more grateful for my blessings and less resentful about my hardships?

 

Answer:

 

I hear your frustration. Let me offer you some wisdom that I was taught this morning. I learnt it from my baby daughter.

 

She has been unwell and very moody and clingy over the last few days. This morning she would not stop crying, for no apparent reason, and nothing I did would placate her. I made funny faces, dangled her dolly in front of her and rubbed it in her face, sang silly songs, and made strange noises by cupping my hand underneath my armpits. But she continued to sob, oblivious to my efforts to make her smile.

 

So I changed tactics. I sat next to her on the floor and started crying myself.

 

It worked. She stopped crying immediately. First she looked at me a little surprised. But then, from behind her tears emerged a broad smile, and she started laughing. The more I cried, the more she giggled. She had finally snapped out of it, and we had some happy moments together for the first time in days.

 

Later I reflected on this. What made her stop crying? Why was she laughing? Then it hit me. It is so simple.

 

The minute we focus on someone else's pain, we forget our own.

 

In her own babyish way, my daughter was doing what we all do sometimes, wallowing in our own problems and being miserable about them. This is self-perpetuating. The more we think about our problems, the more miserable we feel, and the more we feel miserable the more we focus on what we lack.

 

The best way to break this cycle is to look outside of ourselves and see if we can help someone else. As long as I was trying to take my baby daughter out of her sadness, it was her and her sadness that took up both of our attention. The second I shifted the focus from her and started crying, she was drawn out of her own sadness and felt me, my presence and my needs. She could now stop crying because she was freed from being stuck in herself. She was no longer the pitiful cry baby, she was comforter and soother of a crying dad. So she laughed.

 

I think my baby girl is right. You may have good reason to feel down. But you need to stop soaking in self-pity and look around at what good you can do for others. Don't think of what you need, think of what you are needed for. Don't look at what you are missing, but see the gifts you have that others may be missing and you can share.

 

You have so much to offer and so much good you can do. Don't let bitterness and envy paralyse you and prevent your soul from giving forth its light. It's time for your baby to stop crying and give a smile.

 

Good Shabbos,

Rabbi Moss

 

To subscribe email rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au

 
 
Rosh Hashana MindSpinners ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rosh Hashana Mind Spinners
 
HIGH HOLYDAYS WITH NEFESH ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
We are fortunate to be able to use Hakoah once again for our High Holyday services. Seats are going fast so please get your booking forms in soon. 
 
EXISTING MEMBERS please return your forms to the office to renew your membership
 
CASUAL SEATS or NEW MEMBERS, please email Jackie at office@nefesh.com.au to get booking forms.
 
 
Bina Classes - www.bina.com.au  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 

Morals in the Marketplace  - Lunch in the City

with Rabbi Moss 

A new series exploring sticky situations in the business world. A new dilemma each week. Thursdays 1:00pm - 2:00pm at Arnold Bloch Leibler, Level 24, Chifley Tower, Sydney CBD, lunch included, all welcome

 

The Wisdom of Nature - new Kabbalah series with Rabbi Moss

Spiritual lessons for life from the world around us

Tuesdays 8:15 - 9:30pm, July 27 - Aug 24 at Nefesh, 54 Roscoe St

 

Meaningful Motherhood

Discussion for mums and babies with Nechama Dina Moss and Shterny Dadon

Mondays 10am - 11am At Nefesh

 

 

Character Development: R.E.L.A.T.E for Women with Rabbi Michoel Gourarie

Respect, Empower, Love, Ask, Talk, Enjoy - a simple but powerful formula for all successful relationships

Thursdays 9:20 - 10:15am

22 July - 26 Aug 45 Bellevue Rd

 

and much more at www.bina.com.au

 

NEFESH SERVICES - 54 Roscoe St Bondi Beach

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Friday

Mincha 5:20pm followed by shiur in Likkutei Torah
6:30pm - 7:15pm Shabbos Service followed by Kiddush sponsored by Ryan Jacobs and Gina Sobel on the occasion of their engagement 

Shabbos day

9am Class on Weekly Parsha
10am -12:30pm Morning Service with kids program followed by Kiddush sponsored by Avishay and Jacqui in honour of Moshe ben Simcha, Oved ben Mazal and Regina bat Sarach

Mincha 5:05pm folllowed by Sholosh Seudos and Maariv

 

Sunday

8am Shachris followed by farewell breakfast for Martin Sekel and beginners Talmud

 

Thursday

7am Shachris

 

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nefesh office | 45 bellevue rd | bellevue hill | NSW | 2023 | Australia

Thursday, August 12, 2010

The Healer's Guilty Conscience

Question of the Week:
 

I work in the line of healing and unfortunately a patient of mine just passed away. I feel as though it was my fault, because though I did all I could, I didn't save her. This is the first time I have experienced this, and was wondering, does Judaism have any insight on dealing with the guilt of losing a patient?

 

Answer:

 

There is a paradox at the heart of all caring professions. This paradox applies to all those who deal with people's real life problems, such as rabbis, doctors, therapists and manicurists.

 

On the one hand, to help someone you have to actually care for them. It is not possible to truly understand someone's problem if you don't attempt to connect with them, enter their world and see things from their perspective. This means not being clinical and cold, but getting somewhat emotionally involved with the person you are helping.

 

But at the same time, you can't help someone if you are too involved with them. There is a certain detachment necessary to be able to see the situation clearly. Only by staying removed from the person can you maintain perspective and be able to help.

 

So there's the paradox. I can't help you if I don't connect with you, and I can't help you unless I am detached.

 

The skill of true caring is the skill of switching between these two states. You listen to the problem with empathy and sincere feeling. You then diagnose and advise with total objectivity and clarity of mind. When listening you enter their shoes, when responding you go back to your own shoes. You first have to identify with the problem, but then you must dissociate from it to help find the solution.

 

This can be exhausting. But it is vital, not only for the patient, but also for you. You can't survive emotionally if you personally take on board every problem of every person you meet. You need to be able to sleep at night, be there for your own family, and function as a normal person. You can't do this while bearing the burden of the world on your shoulders. You need to learn to step back.

 

Time and experience will teach you this skill. You just had your first lesson.

 

You did all you could to help this patient. The patient died. This is a tragedy, and you are right to feel it. But you are not a part of the tragedy. You were part of making her life more comfortable. In the end, you are no more than an emissary of G-d, sent to bring healing wherever you can. Life and death are not in your hands. All you can do is try to bring hope and meaning to the lives of those around you.

 

He time to leave this world had come. She was blessed to have you there to support her for her onward journey.

 

Good Shabbos,

Rabbi Moss

 

To subscribe email rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au

 
 
HIGH HOLYDAYS AT NEFESH ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
We are fortunate to be able to use Hakoah once again for our High Holyday services.
 
If you are a member you will receive a renewal letter which must be returned by August 18th.
 
If you are not a member and would like to become one, email office@nefesh.com.au.
 
Members are guaranteed a seat this year and in future years. We will be selling any remaining seats after August 18th.
Bina Classes - www.bina.com.au  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 

Morals in the Marketplace  - Lunch in the City

with Rabbi Moss 

A new series exploring sticky situations in the business world. A new dilemma each week. Thursdays 1:00pm - 2:00pm at Arnold Bloch Leibler, Level 24, Chifley Tower, Sydney CBD, lunch included, all welcome

 

The Wisdom of Nature - new Kabbalah series with Rabbi Moss

Spiritual lessons for life from the world around us

Tuesdays 8:15 - 9:30pm, July 27 - Aug 24 at Nefesh, 54 Roscoe St

 

Meaningful Motherhood

Discussion for mums and babies with Nechama Dina Moss and Shterny Dadon

Mondays 10am - 11am At Nefesh

 

 

Character Development: R.E.L.A.T.E for Women with Rabbi Michoel Gourarie

Respect, Empower, Love, Ask, Talk, Enjoy - a simple but powerful formula for all successful relationships

Thursdays 9:20 - 10:15am

22 July - 26 Aug 45 Bellevue Rd

 

and much more at www.bina.com.au

 

NEFESH SERVICES - 54 Roscoe St Bondi Beach

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Friday

Mincha 4:50pm followed by shiur in Likkutei Torah
6:30pm - 7:15pm Shabbos Service followed by Kiddush sponsored by Cassandra Lucas in honour of her birthday.

 

Shabbos day

9am Class on Weekly Parsha
10am -12:30pm Morning Service with kids program followed by Kiddush sponsored by Karine Weiss honouring the Yarzeit of her grandmother, Bella bat Fishel Halevi & Basha.

Mincha 4:55pm folllowed by Sholosh Seudos sponsored by Larnce Gold in honour of the Yarzeit of his grandfather Bernie Lazarus  

 

Sunday

8am Shachris followed by breakfast

 

Thursday

7am Shachris

 

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This email was sent to shmuly77d@gmail.com by rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au.
nefesh office | 45 bellevue rd | bellevue hill | NSW | 2023 | Australia

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Why Don't Women Just Say It?

Question of the Week:

 

Last week you wrote that women are relationship beings, and men are loners. Well if women are such relationship experts, why can't my wife communicate clearly and just say what she means?

It was her birthday yesterday, and when I mentioned it last week, she said, "Don't you dare do anything for my birthday!" So I didn't. Now she won't speak to me. I did exactly as she said, and I'm in trouble. Am I missing something?

 

Answer:

 

Yes, you are missing something. It's called women's intuition. Your wife has it, and you never will. Men are literalists, women are intuitive. It's been that way since the beginning of time.

 

It all started with Adam and Eve. When G-d told Adam, "Do not eat of the fruit of knowledge, because if you do you will die", he took it literally. But Eve read between the lines. She understood that when G-d says don't eat, He really means, "Eat if you choose to, but I didn't tell you to". Eve sensed that G-d wanted humans to experience mortality and fallibility, He wanted them to know both good and evil, but He didn't want to force it on them, He wanted them to choose it. She used her intuition to uncover what G-d really meant. That's why she ate of the fruit.

 

Eve acted intuitively because that's how she was created. The verb used to describe G-d creating Eve was "Vayiven", which literally means G-d built Eve, but can also be translated as "G-d endowed Eve with intuition." She was given an additional insight to be able to read between the lines, and understand what lies behind the words people say.

 

To this day women possess this ability, to intuit hidden messages and sense what is below the surface. And sometimes they mistakenly expect others to have this insight too. When your wife told you she doesn't want anything for her birthday, she thought you would hear not her words but her inner intention. What she meant was,"I don't want to tell you what I want for my birthday, I want it to come from you." But being a man, not blessed with women's intuition, you took her on face value, and did as she said: nothing.

 

Women's intuition is a wonderful gift, but your wife will have to learn that you simply don't have it.  Her female friends might know exactly what she means even when she doesn't say it, but you, her husband, will only ever hear what she says and act accordingly. You must let her know that you may never learn to read her mind, and ask her to say exactly what she means and give you clear instructions. This is not because you are not in tune with her, and not because you don't love or appreciate her. It is because you are a man. And that's all you will ever be.

 

Good Shabbos,

Rabbi Moss

 

To subscribe email rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au

 
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HIGH HOLYDAYS AT NEFESH ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
We are fortunate to be able to use Hakoah once again for our High Holyday services.
 
If you are a member you will receive a renewal letter which must be returned by August 18th.
 
If you are not a member and would like to become one, email office@nefesh.com.au.
 
Members are guaranteed a seat this year and in future years. We will be selling any remaining seats after August 18th.

NEFESH SERVICES - 54 Roscoe St Bondi Beach 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Friday

Mincha 4:50pm followed by shiur in Likkutei Torah
6:30pm - 7:15pm Shabbos Service followed by Network Dinner (fully booked)

Shabbos day

9am Class on Weekly Parsha
10am -12:30pm Morning Service with kids program followed by Kiddush sponsored by Noach and Keshet Kessel in honour of  Liora's third birthday.

L'chaims sponsored by Michelle Brenner in honour of the yorzheit of her mother, Stella Brenner, and Jasmin Bando in honour of her late grandmother, Bettina Streimer.

 

Mincha 4:55pm folllowed by Sholosh Seudos and Maariv    

 

Sunday

8am Shachris followed by breakfast and beginners' Talmud

 

Thursday

7am Shachris

 

Safe Unsubscribe
This email was sent to shmuly77d@gmail.com by rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au.
nefesh office | 45 bellevue rd | bellevue hill | NSW | 2023 | Australia