Thursday, November 25, 2010

Kissing in Public

Question of the Week:

I have an issue with religious Jews. They have this thing about not showing affection in public. You would never see a very religious couple holding hands walking down the street and certainly not kissing in public, as it is considered immodest. But I think this teaches children that affection is bad and romance is taboo. How will they ever get married if they don't see affectionate parents?

Answer:

Here is a true story that happened to a family I know. They are observant and G-d fearing people, and indeed the parents never showed physical affection, even in front of their own children.

It once happened that this family was out driving in their van, parents sitting in the front, and their large brood in the back. While stopped at a red light, one of the children pointed out a scene that caught his eye. Right beside the car, on the side of the road, was a young couple engaged in a very public display of affection.

The kids expressed their strong disapproval, with "ooooo" noises and calls of "yuck!" The oldest, a girl of twelve, loudly declared, "Disgusting!"

Now the parents had a few options as to how to react to this situation. They could have encouraged their children's innocent aversion to street corner romance by telling them not to look at such a yucky thing. Or perhaps they should correct their children's hard-line view and tell them that there is actually nothing yucky about love between two people. Or they could just smile to themselves and let it pass.

But any good parent knows that there are certain teaching moments that don't come along too often, and if they are not grabbed they will be missed. Some lessons are better taught spontaneously. Rather than the parent sitting down the child to talk about an issue, it is sometimes better to wait until the child sees or hears something, makes a comment or asks a question, and use that as an opening to address the topic. An alert parent will have a store house of lessons at the ready, and patiently wait for the right opportunity to share them.

This was one such moment. And the wise father of these children, who had labelled an act of love as disgusting, jumped at the opportunity to teach them a lesson for life.

"It is not disgusting," he told his children. "It's just in the wrong place."

I heard this story as it was told by the twelve year old daughter, now a mother of children of her own. She said that all these years later she still remembers what her father said, and what an impact his simple words had on her. At first she was shocked. Her father, a rabbi, didn't think this was disgusting? Do my parents do this too? But then it dawned on her. Of course they do. They love each other, and when people love each other, this is what they do. Just some things are supposed to be private. Not because it's disgusting, because it is precious, it doesn't belong on the street.

There are couples that no one will ever see touching each other, but anyone can see the deep love they share. It is reflected in the way they speak to each other, the way they look at each other, the way they talk about each other. And then there are couples who are all lovey-dovey-kissy-huggy, but it is no more than a show for the onlookers. How intimate can affection be if every passer-by is privy to it? Does romance have any real meaning if it is shared with strangers?

When a couple is secure in their love for each other, they don't feel the need to demonstrate their affection to others outside the relationship. And yet, everyone, including their children, will know that love is there. Physical affection is more powerful when kept private. It is not disgusting, as long as it is in the right place.

Good Shabbos,
Rabbi Moss

 

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Friday

Candlelighting 7:28pm (not before 6:17pm)

 

6:10pm Mincha 
6:30pm - 7:15pm Shabbos Service followed by Kiddush 

 

Shabbos day

9am Class on Weekly Parsha
10am -12:15pm Morning Service with kids program  followed by
Kiddush in honour of the wedding of Jack Reuben and Leyat Mill

Shiur 6.30pm - Essential Laws of Chanukah

Mincha 7:25pm folllowed by Sholosh Seudos and Maariv

Shabbos ends 8:29pm

Sunday

8am Shachris followed by breakfast and Beginners Talmud Class

 

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Thursday, November 18, 2010

Why Do the Good Die Young?

Question of the Week:

I don't understand. Why do the good die young? I have lost a friend who was the best person I know. And I can think of plenty of not-so-good people who are living it up. Where is the justice? Can you make any sense of this upside down world?

Answer:

Let me tell you a story.

A great debate once raged in heaven. It was over a most beautiful and precious new soul that G-d had created. The angels debated what should be done with this soul. One group of angels demanded that this soul remain in heaven. "She is too pure, too holy to face the ugliness of the lowly world," they said. "Who knows what will happen to her in a world of temptation and evil. This soul must stay with us here."

But the other group of angels said the exact opposite: "Indeed this soul glows with a unique divine glow. But for that very reason she must go down to earth. For imagine the beauty and goodness this soul can bring to a dark world. What good is there in keeping such a soul in heaven? Let her descend to earth and shine her light there."

And so they argued back and forth, each side unshakable in their view. Until it became clear that they could not resolve the issue themselves, they needed a Higher Authority. The case was brought before G-d Almighty. The angels stated their arguments before the heavenly court. G-d listened to the two opinions -the first group of angels arguing that this unspoiled soul is too holy to be plunged into the lowly world, the second countering that the world needs such souls more than anything.

And this was G-d's response:

"Indeed, it is sad to send such an immaculate soul into such a dark world. But this is My will. I only created darkness so souls like this one can transform darkness into light. The whole purpose of creation was that the lowly world be refined by the good deeds of mortal human beings. This cannot be achieved by souls in heaven. It can only be achieved through souls in bodies. And so even this most perfect and pure soul must descend to earth."

The first group of angels, who requested for the soul to remain in heaven, were disappointed. They couldn't fathom how such a spiritual being could be expected to survive such a physical world. G-d turned to them and said, "As for your request to keep this soul up here, I will grant it partially. Though she must leave us and go down to earth, it will not be long before she will return to us. Her sojourn on earth will be brief. Such a brilliant soul will not need long to fulfil her mission. Soon she will be free to come back to heaven."

G-d then turned to the second group and asked, "Are you satisfied with that? Do you accept that this soul can only be on earth for a limited time?"

The angels replied, "Yes we do. Every day that she is on earth is a blessing."

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When a loved one passes away, we feel we have lost something precious. We are left with a gaping hole in our heart, and we often wonder why they were taken away from us. But at the same time we can be grateful for the very fact that they were given to us in the first place. We are blessed to have such beautiful souls in our lives. The world is privileged to have such heavenly guests come down on earth. And even if it can only be for a short while, we will take whatever we can get.

In time all souls will be reunited. In the meantime, let us be thankful for the gift of every day.

Good Shabbos,
Rabbi Moss

 

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CHANUKAH AT NEFESH 
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NEFESH SERVICES - 54 Roscoe St Bondi Beach

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Friday

Candlelighting 7:21pm (not before 6:11pm)

 

6:10pm Mincha 
6:30pm - 7:15pm Shabbos Service followed by Kiddush 

 

Shabbos day

9am Class on Weekly Parsha
10am -12:15pm Morning Service with kids program  followed by
Kiddush sponsored by Moshe David in memory of his late mother Flora David a"h

Shiur 6.30pm - Modern Halachic Dilemmas

Mincha 7:15pm folllowed by Sholosh Seudos and Maariv

Shabbos ends 8:22pm

Sunday

8am Shachris followed by breakfast and Beginners Talmud Class

 

Monday

7am Shachris

NEW Chassidus Shiur 8am-8:45am

 

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7am Shachris

 

 

 

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Thursday, November 11, 2010

When You've Lost Everything

CHANUKAH AT NEFESH - Musical Menorah Lighting, Shabbos dinner with exciting guest speaker, Friday December 3 -  book now, see below

Question of the Week:

My life has fallen apart. My husband left me, I have been kicked out of my home and my career is over. And now I am losing my faith too. I used to believe so strongly, but now my thinking has changed. Was I deluded to think that G-d would help me?  

Answer:

I feel for you in what must be a huge test of your character. Your whole world has been shattered to pieces. Just to get up in the morning and face the day must take mammoth strength.
 
There is a name for your situation. The Kabbalists call it Ayin Baemtza - "transitional nothingness."


Between any two states of being lies an intermediary state of nonbeing. Like a seed that must become a tree, it first decomposes, nullifies itself and rots into oblivion. Just as it reaches the verge of complete nonexistence, the seed starts to sprout and reinvents itself into a new being. Only by losing its being as a seed and becoming nothing, can it reach a new being, a greater being, as a tree.

It has to be this way. To truly reinvent oneself, there must be a true and complete break from the past, a real nothingness, to make room for the new self to emerge.
 
You are presently going through an Ayin Baemtza stage in your life. The life that was is gone, the life that will be is yet to blossom, and you are left in a big black hole of confusion, pain and darkness. That is a very hard place to be. Because everyone knows that transitional nothingness is just a temporary state, a step between two stages in life. Everyone knows that except the one who is going through it themselves. For you the nothingness is real. It is hard - maybe impossible - for you to see any bright future ahead.
 
So what can you do to survive the transitional nothingness? What will keep you going until you transform into the you of tomorrow?
 
In your state of nothingness you need to hold on to something higher than yourself. Now, you need faith, not philosophy. Say to yourself: My life is in disarray, I don't know what's flying, I don't know what will be, but I am in G-d's hands. This is a process that for whatever reason I must go through. And with G-d's help, I will get through it.
 
When in an Ayin state, it is not the time to be changing belief systems, or making important life choices. The ground you are standing on is too unstable for you to be able to think clearly. It would be sad - no, it would be tragic - if in your frustration you made choices that you will later regret, but not be able to reverse.
 
I offer no solutions to your predicament. But I offer you one piece of advice. Just hold on to G-d, the one thing that even in your nothingness you haven't lost. You will get through this black hole and your life will be reborn. The seed is planted. Have faith, and your new tomorrow will blossom soon.
 
Good Shabbos,
Rabbi Moss

 

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Chanukah at Nefesh 

Bina Classes www.bina.com.au  
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Moss

Discussion group for mothers

Mondays 10:00 - 11:00am at Nefesh 54 Roscoe St Bondi Beach

 

Kabbalah - Real Life Miracles - the soul of Chanukah

for Men & Women with Rabbi Moss  

Tuesdays 8:15 - 9:30pm at Nefesh 54 Roscoe Street 

  

Character Development: Self Creation for

with Rabbi Michoel Gourarie

Forming an identity and personality with lessons from creation

Thursdays 9:20 - 10:15am at 45 Bellevue Rd

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Lunch in the City: Money Problems for Men &Women with Rabbi Moss 

Monetary disputes in Jewish Law

Thursdays 1:00 - 2:00pm 

at Arnold Bloch Leibler, Level 24, Chifley Tower, 2 Chifley Square, Sydney CBD 


and much more at www.bina.com.au 

NEFESH SERVICES - 54 Roscoe St Bondi Beach

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Friday

Candlelighting 7:14pm (not before 6:05pm)

 

6:10pm Mincha 
6:30pm - 7:15pm Shabbos Service followed by Kiddush sponsored by Jonathan Isdale and special Lechaim sponsored by Tanya Stocks

 

Shabbos day

9am Class on Weekly Parsha
10am -12:15pm Morning Service with kids program  followed by
Kiddush in honour of Stuart Shaw's birthday and Lechaim in honour of the yohrzheit of Avishay Ziv's grandmother, Simcha bat Farha a"h

Shiur 6.15pm - Modern Halachic Dilemmas

Mincha 7:10pm folllowed by Sholosh Seudos and Maariv

Shabbos ends 8:14pm

Sunday

8am Shachris followed by breakfast and Beginners Talmud Class

 

Monday

7am Shachris

NEW Chassidus Shiur 8am-8:45am

 

Thursday

7am Shachris

 

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Thursday, November 4, 2010

Are Men and Women Equal?

CHANUKAH AT NEFESH - Musical Menorah Lighting, Shabbos dinner with exciting guest speaker, Friday December 3 -  book now, see below

 Question of the Week: 

I have often heard it said that Judaism believes that women are more spiritual than men. This is supposed to explain why men have more religious obligations than women - men need these things to become closer to G-d, women are there already. But do we really believe that? Is it not just a patronising way to avoid the question of the different gender roles in Judaism?

Answer:

I remember as a child being told that men and women are equal. I had a big problem with this. I asked, "If men and woman are equal, why do men and women never compete with each other in sports? You never see a man playing against a woman in tennis, or women's soccer teams facing men's, or a mixed gender 100 metre sprint. If we are all equal, why can't we compete together?"

The answer I received was unsatisfying. "Men are on average stronger physically than women. It would not be fair for them to compete against each other in sports which require bodily strength, because men would always win. But in every other way, men and women are equal."

This did not sit well with me. If men are superior to women in physical strength, but equal in all else, then men and women are not equal. Men have an edge. Unless there is some other area of human endeavour in which women are superior, we are not equal.

This bothered me for years. Until I learnt Judaism's attitude to women.

Women are more soulful than men. While men may excel in physical prowess, women are far ahead when it comes to spiritual strength. Women are more sensitive to matters of the soul, more receptive to ideas of faith, more drawn to the divine than men. The feminine soul has an openness to the abstract and a grasp of the intangible that a male soul can only yearn for. This is why G-d told Abraham, the first Jewish man, "Whatever Sarah your wife tells you, listen to her voice." She was the greater prophet, her soul more intuitive than his.

When I first heard this idea, it suddenly all made sense. There is indeed a balance between men and women. Men have stronger bodies, women have stronger souls.

Of course there are exceptions. Some women could beat any guy in an arm wrestle. And some men are more spiritually intuned than the women around them. But for the most part, men have bigger muscles, women have deeper feelings.

The Torah gives men more physical mitzvos, to tame the body and give the soul extra power. Women don't need this help. Because although men can jump higher in the air, women can reach higher into the heavens.

Good Shabbos,

Rabbi Moss

 

To subscribe email rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au

 

CHANUKAH AT NEFESH 
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Friday December 3

5:45pm early Mincha (Light Menorah at home, not before 6:22pm)

 

6:30pm Musical Menorah Lighting, Jam Session (NO Doughnuts)

7:15pm Shabbos service followed by:

A SINGING SOUL FROM ALABAMA

Chanukah Dinner with inspirational guest speaker Avigayil Hasofer

Fully catered meal $35 per person, book now by emailing office@nefesh.com.au

Bina Classes www.bina.com.au  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Meaningful Motherhood for Mothers and Babies with Mrs Nechama Dina

Moss

Discussion group for mothers

Mondays 10:00 - 11:00am at Nefesh 54 Roscoe St Bondi Beach

 

Kabbalah - Soul Explosions for Men & Women with Rabbi Moss 

Five Bursts of Inspiration from the Kabbalah 

Tuesdays 8:15 - 9:30pm at Nefesh 54 Roscoe Street 

  

Difficult Decisions for Men & Women with Rabbi Yaakov Chaiton

Triage - distribution of scarce resources

Wednesdays 8:15 - 9:15pm at 49 Bellevue Rd

 

Hands on Talmud for Men with Rabbi Yehuda Spielman

Intermediate Level Gemora Shiur

Wednesdays 8:30 - 9:30pm at 2a Conway Street Rose Bay

 

Character Development: Self Creation for

with Rabbi Michoel Gourarie

Forming an identity and personality with lessons from creation

Thursdays 9:20 - 10:15am at 45 Bellevue Rd

Women

 

Lunch in the City: Money Problems for Men &Women with Rabbi Moss 

Monetary disputes in Jewish Law

Thursdays 1:00 - 2:00pm 

at Arnold Bloch Leibler, Level 24, Chifley Tower, 2 Chifley Square, Sydney CBD 


and much more at www.bina.com.au 

NEFESH SERVICES - 54 Roscoe St Bondi Beach

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Friday

Mincha 6:10pm
6:30pm - 7:15pm Shabbos Service followed by Kiddush (sponsorship available)

Shabbos day

9am Class on Weekly Parsha
10am -12:15pm Morning Service with kids program followed by
Kiddush in honour of the wedding of Adrian Shapiro and Laura Ross

Shiur 6.15pm - Modern Halachic Dilemmas

Mincha 7:00pm folllowed by Sholosh Seudos and Maariv

Sunday

8am Shachris followed by breakfast and Beginners Talmud Class

 

Monday

7am Shachris

NEW  Chassidus Shiur 8am-8:45am

 

Thursday

7am Shachris

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