Thursday, November 21, 2013

Can My Marriage Survive Religious Differences?

Question of the Week:


Now that I am a family man, married with a newborn son, I want to step up in my Jewish observance. I feel very strongly in my heart that it's time to let my beard grow. My wife is trying to accept it but is finding it hard to get used to. We are obviously on very different religious levels. She says I'm going Hasidic on her and she doesn't want it. We have discussed it together several times, and we are definitely at a stalemate position where we both feel unwilling to adhere to the other's request. Of course I want to make my wife happy but to me this isn't just leaving the toilet seat up. How do we come out of this scenario peacefully and move forward with our marriage and family?




When you were single, your spiritual growth was your own business. Now you are married, it is someone else's business too. Your wife married you as you were, and at that stage, you didn't let your beard grow. You now want to change the rules of the game, and as a married man you can't do that unilaterally.


Let me make it clear, it would be a wonderful thing to have a beard. The Kabbalah teaches that an untrimmed beard is a spiritual pipeline that draws blessings to the wearer and his family. But until now you chose not to have one. I am not saying not to do it. I am saying that your wife has to be on side first.


The Hasidic way is to integrate spirituality into your life organically, to smoothly fuse Jewish practice into your lifestyle. It has to be done with tact and sensitivity, so any resistance is softened.


Ask your wife to be open with you about why the beard idea bothers her. Is it just the look? So promise that you will brush it and wrap it up so it won't look messy.


But more likely, it is not the look that perturbs her. She is worried that growing a beard represents you going over the religious deep end. She is scared she is losing you. Make sure she doesn't feel pressured in any way to change. Reassure her that the beard won't come between you. Show her that you haven't lost your mind. And most importantly, show her how increasing your observance is making you a more attentive and considerate husband, by including her in your spiritual choices.


Unilateral decisions will only reinforce your wife's fear that she is losing you, and she will dig her heels in. Do it the Hasidic way, the way of harmony. Who knows, she may one day embrace it. But only when she sees you are growing your character, not just your facial hair.


Good Shabbos,

Rabbi Moss


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The Depth of Darkness

Exploring the darker side of life and its power

Tuesday November 26, 8:15-9:15pm at 128 Wellington St 


Do-It-Yourself Chanukah  
at Nefesh
December 1
at Nefesh

Donuts, BBQ, 
Huge Menorah Lighting

Game and Storytime for the kids with 
Rabbi Chaim and 
Morah Mushka!


$10 per person 
$40 per family

$15 per person

Includes BBQ, donuts and all activities



- Must have place for eight candles plus a shammes (an additional candle to light the others)
- Eight candles must all be in a straight line and on the same level, shammes a bit higher or off to the side
- Each candle should be spaced enough to be clearly visible
- It should be one structure, i.e. have a base that connects all the candle holders into one piece
Let's explain what
Do-It-Yourself Chanukah

We are going to have some fun and create something unique that will make this Chanukah memorable....    
Make your own original and kosher Menorah using found materials.    
Enter the competition for the most creative Menorah and win!


Who Is This For?

This is a fun event for all ages, adults and children alike. 
Release the artist within you!

There will be a separate table for children with simple materials to help them stretch their imaginations. 
What You Will Need

Bring your tools and interesting odds and ends. You can bring your own supplies or choose from our selection on the day.

How Can You Help?
We need your junk!  
If you would like to contribute please drop stuff off 
in the crates out the front of Nefesh this Sunday November 24.

Materials that would help include: tiles, old costume jewelry, metal scraps, wood pieces, beads, old crayons, glass, bolts, egg cartons, toilet paper rolls, paper towel rolls...........
We really hope to see you there!
Happy Chanukah,
Rabbi Moss and Nechama Dina

Save 33%
Prebook and save!
$10 per person, $40 per family PREBOOKED
$15 per person at the door
Offer Expires: Friday November 29
To advertise here contact 

SERVICES AT NEFESH ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Friday Night Candlelighting 7.24pm (not before 6.15pm)


Mincha 6.10pm

Shabbos Service 6:30pm followed by Kiddush sponsored by an anonymous friend


Shabbos Day

Shiur 9am

Service 10am -12:20pm Followed by

Kiddush sponsored by Mila's Catering.


Mincha 7.20pm followed by Seudah Shlishis

Shabbos ends 8.25pm


Sunday Shachris 8am

Weekday Shachris 7am


Latest Shema 9.11am



Our Huge Menorah Lighting 6:30pm with donuts and lechaim

Shabbos service 7pm

(Mincha 5:45pm)

Email sponsored by:
Mila's Catering 

Mazel Tov! You deserve the very best in Kosher catering for your special day.


Let Mila's Catering take the stress and worry out of your important occasions with our delicious catering options and flexible approach. Providing sumptuous Kosher catering for all events, of all sizes and needs, Mila's Catering will tend to every detail. Sit back, relax and indulge in the finest culinary delights. Ask us about our specialty Kiddush catering!


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nefesh | 54 roscoe st | bondi beach | NSW | 2026 | Australia

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