Should We Live Together Before Marriage?

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Question of the Week:    I am debating with a friend about the pros and cons of living together before marriage. I think it's crazy to marry someone you haven't lived with. How can you know what life will be like? It makes no sense! What if they need the window open at night and you need it closed? On the other hand, people who live together for prolonged periods of time don't seem to be doing any better at marriage than those who don't. So who's right?   Answer:    The argument goes, by living together you can know how someone behaves in various situations. Once you have spent a year or so under one roof, you have tested the relationship to see if it can withstand the varied pressures of life.  But wait. That isn't true. You only know how things are for that year. You haven't seen how things will be five years from now. A lot can happen in five years. Surely you need to spend five years together to see how that works before committing for a lifetime.  And then there is the concern about what may happen in ten years. People change, we grow older, sometimes wiser, sometimes not. So you should really live together for a decade before deciding to commit.  And what about children? They change the equation entirely. You need to have kids first to see how the relationship will be when you have kids. And then, a lot of relationships become strained once the kids move out. Maybe you should live together through empty-nesting and old age, and only then see if you are compatible and ready to commit.  This is upside down thinking. Committing when you know everything will be fine is not commitment. The very definition of commitment is that you will stick with it no matter what will be. And none of us know what will be.  If you base your decision to marry someone on the assumption that you know everything about them, what happens when you discover that in fact you don't? Better recognise that life is full of surprises. Commitment is the force that keeps you together when those surprises come.  So when you meet someone, find out about their values, discuss their priorities, explore their character. Their habits may change, but their character won't change much. And if you later discover that they sleep with the window open and you need it closed - people with good character who are committed to the relationship will be able to work that one out.  Good Shabbos,  Rabbi Moss  To subscribe CLICK HERE or email rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au      This week we have prepared the steel for the next level slab and have had some fun cutting the steel beams in the basement into workable pieces.  Shabbat Shalom Brent ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ALL SERVICES AT NEFESH    1 FRANCIS ST BONDI BEACH   (OFF CAMPBELL PDE, BEHIND NOAH'S BACKPACKERS)   Sponsor a Kiddush  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FRIDAY NIGHT  22 or 29 March: $120 Basic Kiddush      $200 Deluxe Kiddush     SHABBOS DAY 23 or 30 March:  $350 Standard Kiddush  Email office@nefesh.com.au with any questions SHABBOS TIMES & COMMUNITY INFO: PEKUDEI ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Friday, 8 March 2019 |1 Adar II 5779 Candle Lighting............ 7:05pm (Not before 6:08pm) Mincha........................ 6:15pm Shabbos Service........... 6:30-7:20pm Kids Program .............. 6:30pm Kiddush sponsored by Andrew Weinman in honour of Jacqui's birthday- Mazal Tov! Shabbos Day, 9 March 2019 | 2 Adar II 5779 In depth parsha class ...................... 9:00am Shabbos Service............................ 10:00am-12:20pm Kids Program ............................... 10:30am Kiddush & Lunch sponsored by Richard Skimin in honour of his Bar Mitzvah anniversary, and by Ron & Libby Moss in honour of Rabbi Moss & Nechama Dina's wedding anniversary- Mazal Tov!   Mincha followed by Seudah Shlishis ...........7:00pm Gematria and Story by Rev Amzalak.......... 7:30pm Shiur with Rabbi Moss.............................. 7:45pm Shabbos ends......................................... 7:59pm Followed by Havdalah   WEEKDAY SERVICES Mon - Friday............................................ 7:00am Sunday....................................................8:00am Latest Shema this week............................ 9:55am   MAZAL TOV Michelle & Omer Farhy on Shai's Bar Mitzvah next Thursday morning Jonathan Lemish & Lisa Naftal for their wedding on Sunday   HAPPY JEWISH BIRTHDAY Alexa Lavecky............... 2 Adar II/ Saturday 9 March Doron Lever.................. 6 Adar II/ Wednesday 13 March Shai Farhy.................... 6 Adar II/ Wednesday 13 March Robyn Pakula................ 7 Adar II/ Thursday 14 March Craig Deubler................ 8 Adar II/ Friday 15 March Iliana Lavecky............... 8 Adar II/ Friday 15 March Yasmin Dabscheck......... 8 Adar II/ Friday 15 March   HAPPY ANNIVERSARY Steff & Warren Kotzen........ 3 Adar II/ Sunday 10 March Jessica & Doron Pozniak...... 7 Adar II/ Thursday 14 March   CONDOLENCES Lance Suntup on the recent passing of his mother in South Africa.   LONG LIFE Harold Judelman for his late father Israel Judelman Yisroel ben Zwi...... 2 Adar II/ Saturday 9 March

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