Should We Shun the Secular?

HIGH HOLYDAYS AT NEFESH Our services this year will be held in the shul. As predicted last year, we are fully booked with members and have no casual seats available. We hope to have more room next year...   Question of the Week:   My brother is very religious and I am not. We are on good terms now, but for a while he disowned me for what he deemed as my straying from the path. Is this the Jewish way, to shun those who are less religious than you?   Answer:   Let me share with you a different view. Here is a story of how a spiritual giant of the last century saw the religious/secular divide.   In the 1940's the previous Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Yosef Yitzchok Schneerson, was looking for a sponsor to publish a religious text. The funding came from an unexpected source. An elderly woman who was known to be completely secular made a large donation to pay for this project. She had come from a religious background in Europe, but had long abandoned the ways of her family and raised her children without the traditions of her people. Nevertheless she maintained certain emotional ties to her past, and would occasionally support Jewish causes such as the Rebbe's.   When the book was published she was invited to a private audience with the Rebbe. He thanked her for her generosity, and then blessed her that her children and grandchildren should go in the path of Torah and be G-d fearing and righteous Jews.   This blessing came as a surprise to the lady. She thought the Rebbe may have mistaken her for someone else. Her children were far from anything Jewish, so why would he bless her that they be righteous Jews? She said, "But Rebbe, I am not religious."   The Rebbe looked at her with serious eyes. Then he told her, "We don't know who is religious."   This response is striking. Here is a venerable rabbi with a long white beard telling an assimilated modern woman that we don't really know who is closer to G-d. He was not giving an easy excuse for rejecting Judaism. Rather he was completely destroying the idea of a spiritual hierarchy based on human standards. In true religion, there is no room for snobbery on the part of those who see themselves as committed, nor feelings of inadequacy on the part of those who feel they are on the periphery. We don't know who is religious. So we all need to try harder.   We don't know which mitzvah is the one our soul came into this world to do. We don't know how precious our efforts are in the eyes of G-d, even if they seem small in the eyes of man.   So who is religious?   G-d knows. We don't.   Good Shabbos, Rabbi Moss   To subscribe email rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au      MIDNIGHT SELICHOS SERVICE Start the High Holydays with the stirring Selichos prayers of forgiveness, sung by our Chazan Isser Feiglin, 11:50pm Saturday September 24 at Nefesh. Join us beforehand for a lively farbrengen, lechaim, stories and song, from 9pm.       NEW YEAR MIND SPINNERS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~             NEFESH SERVICES ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    Friday Candlelighting 5:28pm   5:40pm Mincha followed by shiur    6:30pm - 7:15pm Shabbos Service followed   Shabbos day 9am Class on Weekly Parsha 10am -12:15pm Morning Service with kids' program followed by Kiddush celebrating the upcoming wedding of Jethro Marks and Melanie Goldwater - Mazel Tov! Special L'Chaim to the Machzika Ha Torah Congregation on their 51st anniversary.   Mincha 5:25pm followed by Seudah Shlishis and Maariv Shabbos ends 6:27pm    Sunday 8am Shachris   Monday and Thursday Shachris 7am

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Should Our Fights Be Fixed?

Question of the Week:   I have a problem. My fiancée and I never fight. I have heard that relationships can only grow through tension, that only when we have a disagreement and then work through it can we get closer. But what can I do? We simply agree on everything. Now I'm nervous. Should we be arranging some arguments? Maybe a weekly roster with a list of topics to fight about, and then make up afterwards? Answer:   Pre-arranged fights only work if you are a professional wrestler. Not so in a marriage. To get the desired effect, the argument needs to be real. I am afraid you will have to wait for an authentic argument to be able to truly reconcile. This is based on some Talmudic logic. The Talmud teaches that one who has sinned but then asks for forgiveness comes closer to G-d than someone who never sinned. This means that a person who was wicked but left their evil ways reaches higher than a person who has always done the right thing. If so, the Talmud asks, should a righteous person intentionally sin, in order to have the opportunity to change his ways? After all, he can't reach the level of a reformed sinner if he never sins. The answer is no, he shouldn't sin. One reason is, he might enjoy it and never repent. But more than that, if he sins just to repent, his repentance will not be sincere because his sin was not sincere. If you sin just to get closer to G-d, you never rebelled properly. And if you didn't rebel, you can't truly regret. If you didn't actually go off the path you can't get back on. The same applies in our relationships with our fellow humans. Just like you can't plan to sin in order to repent, you can't plan an argument in order to make up. It isn't sincere. Just as making up has to be genuine, arguing has to be genuine too. If the rift is not real, the resolution that comes later won't be either. You have to feel that moment of despair, when you think things have fallen apart and all is lost. From that moment of darkness comes a glimmer of hope, and you rebuild. It is wonderful that you and your fiancée see eye to eye. But don't worry, times of tension will come. Two individuals sharing intimate space is recipe enough for some friction to eventually develop. And when it does, embrace it as an opportunity to learn something about your partner. If she never upsets you, she can't know who you are. If you don't know what her boundaries are, you don't know her. And you can only know those boundaries by accidently crossing them. Every sin is a chance to uncover a more profound level of connection with G-d, and every argument is an opportunity to dig deeper in your relationship with your partner. To argue is human. To make peace is divine.   Good Shabbos, Rabbi Moss   To subscribe email rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au    NEW YEAR MIND SPINNERS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~             NEFESH SERVICES    Friday Candlelighting 5:23pm   5:35pm Mincha followed by shiur    6:30pm - 7:15pm Shabbos Service followed by Kiddush   Shabbos day 9am Class on Weekly Parsha 10am -12:15pm Morning Service with kids' program followed by Kiddush sponsored by Isser Feiglin in honour of Shevy Feiglin's birthday and to thank Hashem for a successful surgery. Mincha 5:20pm followed by Seudah Shlishis and Maariv Shabbos ends 6:22pm    Sunday 8am Shachris No Talmud Class   Monday and Thursday Shachris 7am

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The Kosher Pig

Question of the Week:   I am so embarrassed I don't know what to say. I bought a tomato sauce in the supermarket last week that I thought was kosher. I always buy this brand, but this time it seems I chose a different flavour than usual. After cooking with it and feeding my family, I read the ingredients, and to my horror, the sauce wasn't kosher! When I say not kosher, I mean as not kosher as you can get. It contained..... ham! I will do whatever I need to make my kitchen kosher again, I know that can be fixed. But what devastates me is, what can I do about what I ate, and fed my family?   Answer:   You have a rare opportunity before you, one that even the holiest people never have. You can now make pig kosher. Here's how.   Every food has its nutritional value. Certain foods provide us with spiritual nutrition, and by eating them we become more sensitised to our souls. This is kosher eating. The Torah allows us to eat these foods, not because they are healthy for our body but rather they are healthy for our soul. On the other hand, non-kosher foods are the opposite, they block the connection between body and soul, deaden our perception of holiness and desensitise us from the world of spirit.   But there is an exception. There is a way that non-kosher food can elevate you. When the eating of non-kosher food itself stirs you toward spiritual growth, when you regret  what you have done, resolve not to do it again, and commit to being more careful, what was a fall in spiritual observance becomes a step up to a higher spiritual plain.   This creates an amazing turn around. The pig you ate actually made you more spiritual. The sin had the same impact usually reserved for a mitzvah, it made you closer to G-d.   This is the law of transformation. A dispute, when resolved, makes friends closer. An argument, when handled correctly, makes a marriage deeper. A mistake, when seen as a learning tool, makes you smarter. And a piece of ham, when you regret eating it, makes you more kosher.   You should never deliberately start an argument, and you should never choose to eat non-kosher either. But if it already happened, don't feel down. Turn it around, and make the pig kosher.   Good Shabbos, Rabbi Moss   To subscribe email rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au    CLASSES ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   KABBALAH OF THE TALMUD   Life changing lessons from mystical interpretations of Talmudic allegories     AT NEFESH 5 Roscoe St Bondi Beach Wednesday September 7 8:15 - 9:15pm with Rabbi Chaiton For Men & Women    Lunch in the City with Rabbi Gourarie and Rabbi Chaiton Level 10, 2 Bligh Street , Sydney 12.30pm Thursdays Lunch served, all welcome    NEFESH SERVICES   Friday Candlelighting 5:19pm   5:30pm Mincha followed by shiur    6:30pm - 7:15pm Shabbos Service followed by Kiddush   Shabbos day 9am Class on Weekly Parsha 10am -12:15pm Morning Service with kids' program followed by Kiddush sponsored in honour of the first Yahrzeit of Alice Schreiber Z'L who, together with her first husband, Shalom Garfunkel, were founding members of the Machzika HaTorah Shul. Mincha 5:15pm followed by Seudah Shlishis and Maariv Shabbos ends 6:18pm    Sunday 8am Shachris No Talmud Class    Monday and Thursday Shachris 7am

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You Can't Act to Save Your Life

Question of the Week:   My acting career seems to be at a dead end. Every time I come close to a huge role something goes wrong and I miss out. I have tried every avenue I can think of, even changing agents, but it hasn't helped. I am professional, hard-working, dedicated and I believe I have talent (this has been confirmed to me by others too). But I am starting to think I simply wasn't meant to be an actor. Should I just come to terms with being a failure?   Answer:   My friend, there is only one thing you need to come to terms with. You are not an actor. You may be good at acting, but that is not who you are, it is what you do. Stop identifying yourself by your career. You need to discover an identity that is beyond your work. That way, success and failure in your career will not spell success or failure in your life.   In our world of inverted values, a man is called successful because he has made a lot of money. He may have abandoned his third wife, be estranged from his children, have no friends and his dog ran away from him. But he's done well at work, and people say, "I wish I had his luck."   We achieve true success when we succeed in our relationships. If you are a caring friend in times of need, if you treat your parents well, if you are a supportive and understanding spouse, a devoted and caring parent, then you are a success. Those who contribute to the community, not just money but time and effort, those who have developed happy relationships with G-d and man, they are real success stories.   As long as we identify ourselves with our profession - I am an actor, a sales person, an IT technician - then we are pinning our success as a person on our career success. But it's not true. We are not defined by our job. What we do to make a living is different to what we do to make a life. We work to make a living. But to make a life we must love, connect, serve a purpose and find meaning.   This is the gift of Shabbos. One day a week we step out of our workday roles and return to our true self. We are not staff members but rather members of a community; we are not employers or employees but rather brothers and sisters, children, parents and friends. We are not working for a boss to do our job, but rather working for The Boss to fulfill our mission.   You may be great at doing your work. Or maybe not. But it's more important to be good at being human. When it comes to being human, even a failed businessman can be the greatest success story, and a struggling actor can be a star.   Good Shabbos, Rabbi Moss     To subscribe email rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au         CLASSES ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   KABBALAH OF THE TALMUD   Life changing lessons from mystical interpretations of Talmudic allegories     AT NEFESH 5 Roscoe St Bondi Beach Wednesdays August 31, September 7 8:15 - 9:15pm with Rabbi Chaiton For Men & Women    Lunch in the City with Rabbi Gourarie and Rabbi Chaiton Level 10, 2 Bligh Street , Sydney 12.30pm Thursdays Lunch served, all welcome    NEFESH SERVICES - 54 Roscoe St Bondi Beach  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~          Friday Candlelighting 5:14pm   5:25pm Mincha followed by shiur    6:30pm - 7:15pm Shabbos Service followed by Kiddush   Shabbos day 9am Class on Weekly Parsha 10am -12:15pm Morning Service with kids' program followed by Kiddush sponsored by Anna & David Reiner in honour of their return from Israel. Mincha 5:10pm followed by Seudah Shlishis and Maariv Shabbos ends 6:13pm    Sunday 8am Shachris No Talmud Class for next two months   Monday and Thursday Shachris 7am   Rosh Chodesh Elul Tuesday August 30 Shachris 7am

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When Death Will Be No More

Question of the Week:    Rabbi, I just wanted to thank you again for your support to our family after the loss of my grandmother. You helped ease the pain of what was a very sad period. One question I had is about the traditional words of consolation said to mourners: "May G-d comfort you together with the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem." What exactly is the consolation in those words? How does comparing the loss of a loved one to the destruction of Jerusalem by the Romans two thousand years ago make me feel any better?   Answer:    There are several parallels between the fall of Jerusalem and the passing of a soul. By contemplating these similarities, the mourners can find a profound message of hope in the midst of sorrow.   Although the destruction of Jerusalem primarily affected those who actually lived there, nevertheless it was a national tragedy. All Jews, including those who lived far from Jerusalem, were deeply pained at the loss of their sanctuary. The mourning stretched far beyond the city limits of Jerusalem. And this gave strength and courage to the Jerusalemites, knowing that the entire Jewish people was together with them, feeling their pain.   So too, although it is the family that is mourning for their loss, the entire community shares in their sorrow at the passing of one of our own. This is comfort in knowing that your sorrow is being shared by your people. You're not alone.    It's been almost two thousand years since the destruction, and we still mourn for the loss of Jerusalem. But the Jewish people has never lost hope that the Temple in Jerusalem will one day be rebuilt. We cry for the loss, but we remain hopeful that very soon what we have lost will be returned to us.   In a similar way, we mourn the loss of our loved ones, but we have faith that we will one day be reunited with them. Our prophets have promised that the dead will come back to life when the Messiah comes, and we will all meet again. This is comfort in knowing that the separation, as painful as it is, is only temporary. It isn't forever.    But it goes even deeper. While the Romans were able to destroy the buildings of Jerusalem, they could never destroy its spirit and inner holiness. No enemy can destroy the soul of Jerusalem, and even today it remains the Holy City.   So too, death can only take away the body, the physical persona. But the soul lives on. Even after their passing, our loved ones are with us in spirit. They give us strength when we face challenges, and they smile with us when we celebrate. While we can no longer see them, we can sense their presence. This is comfort in knowing that we are never really apart. They're still with us.    None of this denies the pain and sorrow of death. But it may take the edge off that pain to know that, like Jerusalem, the soul has eternal powers that even death can't conquer.   May we soon see the rebuilding of the Temple in Jerusalem, together with all those holy souls on high, reunited at last.   Good Shabbos, Rabbi Moss       To subscribe email rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au       Dedicated to the memory of Jonathan Rev, a beloved friend to many, tragically taken from us this week       NEW CITY SHIUR ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   with Rabbi Gourarie and Rabbi Chaiton   Level 10, 2 Bligh Street , Sydney   12.30pm Thursdays   Lunch served, all welcome    NEFESH SHUL RECONFIGURED  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   Come along this Shabbos to see the new configuration of our shul. You may be surprised...  NEFESH SERVICES - 54 Roscoe St Bondi Beach  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~          Friday Candlelighting 5:09pm   5:20pm Mincha followed by shiur    6:30pm - 7:15pm Shabbos Service followed by Kiddush   Shabbos day 9am Class on Weekly Parsha 10am -12:15pm Morning Service with kids' program followed by Kiddush sponsored by David Cappe who is together with his brother commemorating yarzeit for their late father Peter Cappe, Pinchas ben Shimon- long life. Mincha 5:05pm followed by Seudah Shlishis and Maariv Shabbos ends 6:08pm    Sunday 8am Shachris No Talmud Class for next two months   Monday and Thursday No minyan this week, resumes Monday August 29

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Do We Believe in Hell?

Question of the Week:   Do Jews believe in Hell? I am not planning any trips or anything, but was wondering because I have heard mixed reports about this.....   Answer:    We do believe in a type of hell. But not the one found in cartoons and joke books. Hell is not a punishment. It is in fact a great kindness that we are sent to hell.   The prophets and mystics of Judaism described a spiritual place called Gehennom. This is usually translated as Hell, but a better translation would be the Supernal Washing Machine. Because that's exactly how it works. Our soul is cleansed in Gehennom in the same way as our clothes are cleansed in a washing machine.   We don't put our socks in the washing machine to punish them. We put them through what seems like a rough and painful procedure, only to make them clean and wearable again. The intense heat of the water loosens the dirt, and the force of being swirled around shakes it off completely. Far from hurting your socks, you are doing them a favour by putting them through this process.   But put yourself in your socks' shoes. If you would be thrown into boiling hot water and flung around for half an hour, you too would start to feel that someone doesn't like you. If only the socks would know that this is all for their good. Only after going through a washing cycle can the socks be worn again.   So too with the soul. Every act we do in our lifetime leaves an imprint on our soul. The good we do brightens and elevates our soul. And every wrongdoing leaves a stain that needs to be cleansed. If at the end of our life we leave this world without fixing the wrongs we have done, our soul is unable to reach its place of rest on high. We must go through a cycle of deep cleansing, our soul is flung around at intense spiritual heat, to rid it of any dirty residue it may have gathered and prepare it for entry into heaven.   This is no punishment. It may be painful, but it is for our good. Our soul can only shine once the stains have been fully removed.   Of course this whole process can be avoided. If we truly regret the wrong we have done, make amends with the people whom we have hurt, we can leave this world with clean socks.   That's why our sages said, "Repent one day before you die." And what should you do if you don't know which day that will be? Repent today.   Good Shabbos, Rabbi Moss    To subscribe email rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au     NOTE: VENUE CHANGE Meaningful Motherhood- A discussion group for mothers and babies with Nechama Dina Moss & Shternie Dadon Monday 10:00 - 11:00am at 128 Wellington St Bondi this Monday only   ABC's of LOVE Tuesday Aug 16 8:15pm at Nefesh ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   NEFESH SERVICES - 54 Roscoe St Bondi Beach  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~          Friday Candlelighting 5:04pm   5:15pm Mincha followed by shiur    6:30pm - 7:15pm Shabbos Service followed by Kiddush in honour of the upcoming marriage of Ronan Lutman to Serakh Abrahams- Mazal Tov!   Shabbos day 9am Class on Weekly Parsha 10am -12:15pm Morning Service with kids' program followed by Kiddush celebrating the Aufruf of Ronan Lutman- Mazel Tov! Mincha 5:00pm followed by Seudah Shlishis and Maariv Shabbos ends 6:03pm    Sunday 8am Shachris followed by breakfast    Monday and Thursday 7am Shachris

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Still Haven't Clicked?

Question of the Week:   My girlfriend of two years isn't sure she wants to get married because she thinks something is missing. She can't define it, but just says she feels "it" hasn't clicked. I felt a click a long time ago and would very much like to marry and spend my life with her. She knows she loves me but has doubts because she isn't feeling "it". We are just going around in circles and it is driving me crazy. What do you think I can do?   Answer:    This clicking thing causes a lot of problems. Some people are quick clickers. Others take more time. It sounds like your click was too quick.   It often happens that one party develops feelings faster than the other. But it can complicate things. It seems that when you clicked on, she clicked off. As soon as she knew that she has you, that you are in, that your mind is made up, her heart got lazy. She knew she didn't have to work hard for you any more, she no longer needed to put in any effort, and so her feelings stalled. And she is still stuck there, unclicked and unable to develop her emotions for you.   There is only one solution. She needs to feel that she may lose you. She needs to feel that she must win you over again, that you are not a done deal. You have to give her the chance to feel that she needs you in her life, and that she needs to win you back.   The best way to achieve this is to take a break from each other. And you have to initiate it. Tell her that you respect her feelings of doubt, but you can't just keep dangling around. It is not good for either of you, nor for the relationship. Suggest that by not seeing each other for a while you will both have the space to clarify your feelings and decide whether to take the next step together, or to move apart.   This should not be presented as a false threat, but rather as an honest and mature approach to solve the stalemate you have reached. It will be hard for you to say it, but say it you must. She needs to hear that you won't hang around forever. And let me tell you, if she really is the one for you, just hearing that you want a break may be all it takes to get her heart clicking.   Good Shabbos, Rabbi Moss  To subscribe email rabbimoss@nefesh.com.au     TISHA B'AV AT NEFESH ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   Monday August 8, Erev Tishah B'Av   Fast begins: 5:20pm   Evening Service and Lamentations 6pm    followed by a fascinating and thought-provoking video lecture:   Who Carries Ultimate Responsibility for the Holocaust?   with world renowned speaker Rabbi Yosef Yitzchok Jacobson      Tuesday August 9, Tishah B'Av   7am Shachris and Kinnos with explanations   Mincha 5pm followed by Maariv   Fast ends: 5:46pm ABC's of LOVE Tuesday Aug 16 8:15pm at Nefesh ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   NEFESH SERVICES - 54 Roscoe St Bondi Beach  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    Friday Candlelighting 5:00pm   5:10pm Mincha followed by shiur    6:30pm - 7:15pm Shabbos Service   Shabbos day 9am Class on Weekly Parsha 10am -12:15pm Morning Service with kid's program followed by Kiddush sponsored by a loving well-wisher in honour of our dear friend and much loved classmate, Jono Rev. Wishing him a full and speedy recovery Mincha 4:55pm followed by Seudah Shlishis and Maariv Shabbos ends 5:57pm    Sunday 8am Shachris followed by breakfast    Monday and Thursday 7am Shachris

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